Alright, so I've been pathetic lately, and I talked to Jeff off of Craigslist. Well, we haven't talked since I assured him that we'd be fine as friend. Riiiight. Anyway, I ... posted my own thing. I just randomly pulled out my laptop in the middle of my composition class last week, I wrote it up, and I posted it. I didn't let myself talk myself out of it. I just did it.
Well, I've gotten a hodgepodge of responses back. I responded to about a quarter of the people, and only about a quarter of those people got back to me. I've been having a conversation with one guy, by the name of Wes, for a while now. We exchanged phone numbers and we text every night before he falls asleep on me. I think he did it now, too, though he usually tells me good night. Anyway, he introduced himself as the Dread Pirate Roberts, and he's pretty fucking good looking. He's a nice guy to talk to. We share a lot of geeky interests and he was so concerned about going on about geekiness (though he considers himself a nerd) for the longest time. Until I convinced him a couple times over that I liked that and found it adorable. Really. I do that to people anyway.
So ... we plan to meet Tuesday after my class. Go out to lunch. I'm excited for it.
But, as I said, a lot of people have contacted me. Only a couple out of the emails I have gotten have completely forgone me telling them in the original posting that I wanted an emotional relationship before anything physical happens. No bad pictures. Though, for some reason, a couple guys just send me pictures of their chests. Okay, so ... they look good, but that's not what I'm looking for.
A couple days ago, someone I knew emailed me. I was completely astounded. Taken aback. Garrett Fischer, a guy that was in my Freshman gym class, emailed me. He was one of the guys that just said hey, what's up, which I don't usually, but I knew who he was. He comes into Classic every now and again. I told him this, when he asked where I knew him from, and he hasn't replied back. Shame. 'Cuz he's always been a very nice guy towards me.
Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there. I feel kind of pathetic having to write this down, but I dunno what my brain's been doing to me lately. I feel lonely, I don't want to socialize very much, and ... oh my dear, I'm so fucking horny.
Yeah, so, I dunno what to do about that and I don't know how to make it stop. Because it's seriously getting in the way of my functioning right now. And you know fucking what? Most of it's about Nate.
Right. I went to psychology class, exchanged emails with my group mates for the final project, and then I went to calc class. I wrote up some notes for the final, took the final, know I got the first two pages completely correct, and we didn't learn half of what was on the last three pages. That was great. I still feel like I did well, at least. I mean, those first two pages had a lot of problems on them. That counts for something, right? They were easy integral problems, but more of them existed.
Oh my dear. So, every time I sit down to write a journal, Puddin just has at it with her cage. She grabs onto a bar or two or whatever and starts gnawing the hell out of them. And when that doesn't work, she digs at the bars and continues to wrap her teeth around the bars. I don't know why she does it.
It's annoying as fuck.
Where was I?
Oh, okay. Right.
After my calculus class, I headed off to the computer commons and typed up my whole essay for my composition class. I got four pages done, didn't care to read it over again, printed it off, and realized I never changed the title. I usually write "INSERT WITTY TITLE HERE" and I forgot to change it. I wasn't paying more money to reprint it. Even though, I now realize, I only had to reprint the first page. Oh well.
Once I had my paper, I stuffed it away, found Cara in the pi hall, and we decided to watch The Avengers until she had to go to class. I had my laptop with me because I thought I'd be writing my essay on my laptop, and I had the movie with me because I was stopping in at work after school to lend it to Wes.
You know the thought that excited me all day? I'd get to see Nate and possibly Abbi if I go to work. You know what? I'll get to it.
Cara had to leave at twenty after five, and I just packed everything up, grabbed some junk food to eat, and went to my classroom early. AB was talkative today. I had hot chocolate and chips, and he found it extremely amusing.
We had our debate today. The only reason I went was because I wanted the extra credit. I learned after class that we only got extra credit if we won the debate. I mean, my team did, just barely, but I would have put more effort into voting for the topic if I knew that. I convinced myself to a new side of a debate, though.
AB, April, Shawn, and I were on the pro side for legalizing recreational marijuana. I was on the con side at the beginning of class, and all I could come up with were ideas for that side. As I debated for my team, though (they designated me as speaker), and came up with points and counterarguments, I realized that, as long as it's restricted in the ways alcohol and cigarettes are, it shouldn't cause a problem. It'd help our government out a bit. So I changed my mind on that.
I told Owen that when I walked into work. We had a little chat about it. For a couple seconds.
He would be on that side of the debate.
So, they made me the speaker because apparently I am a good speaker, I'm assertive, and a bunch of other things I don't remember. The only problem with their whole explanation is that I don't speak in that class. I usually zone out and write things that don't relate to the class. Every now and again I read what I wrote that pertained to the class, but not often. Whatever, though. I made a fool of myself in front of the class, laughed and joked with most of everyone in the class, and had a generally good time. It surprised me.
Did I say how much I love college? Maybe it's just because I'm coming out of my shell.
Oh, you know what? When Cara and I had my bunny blanket yesterday, and we were sitting in the hallway, we had a couple people tell us that that was a wonderful idea, and we had one person ask if they could join us. Cara was asleep, so I had to deal with these people, but I wasn't expecting compliments and smiles. I was expecting weird looks. This is why I like college. The people aren't asses. Well, most of them.
After class, I got complimented by Cameron for a job well done (he was on the con side of the same debate), as well as a smile, and then I was on my way. He left while I was packing up, so I couldn't talk to him. Outside of the debate thing.
It was cold as fuck. But I turned up the radio - an Avenged Sevenfold CD I burned - and blasted the heat. And drove.
When I went into work, I saw John's car. I think, as I was pulling up, I just repeated "No Nate? There's no Nate?" I kind of repeat little phrases when my brain can't wrap around something real quick, especially when it's emotionally related. Like, when I took my first delivery, all I did was scream Nate's name as I drove down the road for a bit. I still don't know why I did that.
I walked into the shop, was greeted by Owen ("What's up, bro?"), and I gave Wes the movie. I chatted a bit, though it felt awkward, so I left quickly. My whole goal for the night was to see Abbi and Nate, and I saw neither of them. I was extremely disappointed.
Nate doesn't close on Friday, either, like he usually does. It's John again. And Nate doesn't work tomorrow, and these things are just making me sad.
Why the fuck do I feel this way? I can't stop it, even though I want to. I want this to stop.
Other than that, I just watched a Flashpoint episode.
Y'know, I have a celebrity crush on Jeremy Renner because of his arms and his 40 year-old man-child behavior. He's my first celebrity crush ever. Not my only one. I've realized that Sergio De Zio is also a celebrity crush. Not only that, but he's 40 years old, too. The man who plays Spike is 40 years old. I would never have guess he's that old. Still, I'm swooning so badly over him right now.
He has a Twitter account, and the only reason I want a Twitter account is so that I can follow him. Just Sergio. Good golly, what has become of me?
I wasn't overly fond of this episode. It was all through Ed's point of view, and he just had a mental breakdown. To a psychologist. He literally flopped to the ground, started sobbing, and broke down. I think for the first time ever. Ed doesn't do that sort of shit.
Spike said something. "You alright, buddy?" I think he asked. Maybe he said that Ed should come with him. It was only two words and then buddy, so I don't think it was that. Ed just blew him off and continued walking on.
What about Spike? He doesn't get any character development anymore, despite the brief thing with Winnie, and the series ends in two episodes. What about Leah? We hardly know anything about her at all. What will happen with Jules when she has her baby? There are so many questions. They want to end this show on a good note, but they're cutting it short of its potential, I think. I freaking love this show.
Doesn't help that I have a fictional character crush on Spike and a celebrity crush on Sergio. Good golly, I'm doomed.
What is wrong with my feels?
Why do I want Nate so fucking badly?
Mmmf.
Oh, just to add the stupidness. Drums make me horny, I guess. And for some reason, whenever I think of drums, I think of Kevin. Though I realized while I was getting off the expressway that Nate drums, too. Drumline, not a set like what Kevin does, but he's still a drummer. Why the fuck do I do this to myself?
SONG OF THE DAY: Knife Called Lust ~ Hollywood Undead
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