IFF

Life is homework if and only if homework is life.

Well, yes.

Except I didn't do a whole lot of homework today.

I need to make this quick, because I need to hurry and finish my lab write-up, and then I need to go to bed so that I can actually wake up tomorrow.

So, I actually woke up before my alarm, had a text from Jeff, but then I was off to school almost immediately afterward anyway. I got there a little early because I didn't really understand the problem of the day, but it turned out to be extremely easy, so that was good. I'm understanding what's going on in class again, and Furious is kind of pouty because of it. He's supposed to be the math major and everything's slipping right over his head. Poor guy.

After class, I went and took my chemistry quiz. Turns out, it was a quiz and not a test. I forgot the oxidation-reduction part of it, and I had a hard time remembering if hydrogen was positive or negative when finding the oxidation number, but other than that, I feel like I did well. Worst comes the worst, I lose, like, two points for the oxidation crap.

I finished with time to spare, so I went home, surfed Tumblr, took care of my rabbits, and discovered that my dad got new turkeys. They're actually kind of pretty. Y'know, for turkeys. They're mostly white, but they have a subtle tan on their backs.

Then it was work time. When I got there, Ralph told me I was up front. He had a little fortress up there of hit racks, man. There were hit racks on all four corners of the table where we slap dough. We had at least three huge orders all kind of due or whatever at the same time. It was kind of interesting being able to get so many pizzas done before the ovens could take them in. Consistently for a long period of time. That doesn't happen that often. I was topping, Ralph was pretty much just handing over hit racks, and Erich was saucing and cheesing. Once all the orders were finished, though, Ralph left. Oh dear, I didn't even mention the 21 orders of bread sticks that needed to all go in through the oven.

Thankfully we didn't have a whole lot of customer orders that needed to go in while we were working on this. It was a kind of slow Monday. I mean, Mondays are slow, but this one was just those big orders and that's about it. Though Owen and Nate took quite a few deliveries. Again, for a Monday. At least I know Owen did.

When I was juggling customer orders and the time orders, though, Ralph kept turning to me to tell me something, and I kept telling him, "I know, that's what I was doing." Eventually he said that he loved when he didn't have to tell someone to do something or how to do something. I forget which one. Dude, I've been working there a while. There's a reason everyone turns to me when something needs to get done or they need help.

Although, really, that's getting on my nerves now. Maybe it was just because I was a little ticked off for no apparent reason tonight, or maybe because it's finally getting annoying, but I'm the only one that really extends a lot of effort to that store. I do more than what is my job, and I'm not talking just folding boxes when there's nothing else to do. Even when topping is my job, I'm expected to take phones. Even when I'm on phones, I'm expected to top. Then there's cut table, which is kind of the community job when things get a little out of order.

And I tell Ralph that I don't want to work as much, and he schedules me more hours. I still work five days a week.

He got new people so that he could reduce my schedule. That's why we have Von. That's why we have Sarah. That's especially why we have Sarah.

I was talking about Jon for some reason, and then I turned to Nate and said in a rather forceful tone, "Is Jon working tomorrow?" Nate actually went and checked, and then listed off the names of everyone working. Sarah being one of them.

My expression dropped, or I must have said something, because Nate asked me why I don't like her. He was genuinely curious, and by the sound of his tone, he actually likes her. Not allowed. Anyway, I told him that she doesn't really do much, and she only answers the phones when someone tells her to do it. He supported her, saying it was only her second day of work or whatever. No, it's been a little longer than that.

Then he brought up that he didn't really answer phones for the first two weeks that he started working (apparently he was trained in phones first, too, which makes sense for his bread stick stories earlier), and then he brought up that he remembered that my hands shook when I took my first phone. How does he remember these little details from long ago, and then forgets things I tell him the day before? He makes no sense to me!

The conversation went on, but I forget it right now. Hmph.

But he brought me up in conversation multiple times tonight. Like, he never does that. Sure, Saturday he motioned towards his wrist and was trying to get a message across (that I didn't get until he spoke), and that sparked a conversation, but he doesn't catch my attention and talk. He usually responds to what people tell him.

I don't even remember all we were talking about tonight!

Abbi's right, though. He's a lot more chatty lately. I don't know what it is. Maybe it is Galya. Or, I've been talking to him a lot the past couple months. Maybe it's just because we're talking to him, he feels more comfortable actually having an opinion. Because, good golly, does he have an opinion sometimes! Usually he doesn't say it outright, but you know it's there.

I still really do have feelings for Nate. I know I'm his friend. I just don't know if I can get more than a friendship out of him.

And then Jeff, the guy to take my mind away from Nate, texted me a total of twice today. Yes, I know he has a busy schedule, too. He works nights during the week, and he goes to college. But, we just made plans for a date. He's surprising me with some date activity between my classes on Wednesday. I feel like this is the one time I'll be bringing that pepper spray, just in case he turns out to be a different person than the one he portrays through our messages. I highly doubt it, but no one can penalize me for being safer than sorry.

I'm just confused. That, in and of itself, is not a new feeling. But, for once, I don't want to be confused. I just want things to work out for once.

Lemme see if I can pull up what I wrote on Tumblr:

Nate was talking to me all night. Not just me to him. He was starting up more conversations than I was. It was a great night just because of that.

Plus, Kevin stopped in, but he was talking about some fucked up shit, so … Kevin just kinda freaked me out tonight. Besides, Kevin isn’t even in this equation.

Jeff, on the other hand, hasn’t been texting me much tonight. We’re supposed to meet this Wednesday and go on a little date between my classes, which I’m really excited for.

Thing is … I still like Nate. Jeff is easy to talk to thus far (and actually has the same body type as Nate and also has a really cute smile), and is really, really sweet, and I find myself liking him the more I talk to him. But there’s still Nate.

Why is it that every time I try to give up, something pulls me back? I wouldn’t say that sort of situation has pertained to my attraction to Nate before, but it sure did tonight. I didn’t think I could get any further in our relationship, because Nate was never trying. Times like tonight, though, makes me remember.

 Enough of guy troubles, though. Seriously, that's what half of this damn blog is about. It's kind of funny looking back on the earlier entries about Tyler, though. McCarthy, not Tiller. TradeMark, as I nicknamed him for Internet use. XD

On a homework note, I made a little progress. I wrote the intro for my research essay. Now I actually have to do the research to write the rest of it. I know what I'm going to vote for on the proposals tomorrow. Once I figure out how to vote. Good golly, I'm actually a little nervous. But I need to vote simply so that I have the right to complain about the outcome of who becomes president. Um, and now I need to work on my chemistry.

Hopefully Abbi can cheer up my pessimism again tomorrow. She usually does. I'm a pessimistic person by nature. I guess that's why I get so down most of the time. I'm not actually happy. I just pretend to be.

Haha, whatever.

SONG OF THE DAY: Out From Under ~ Red