Counting Down

The dentist wasn't too bad. Dad and I got called in almost immediately, and I think I was only in the chair for maybe half an hour. No one said anything poorly to my teeth hygiene, which I'm glad about. Whenever they say something I'm usually like, "sure, whatever, I don't give a fuck, let me out of here." The not dentist person asked if I wanted flouride done that day, I replied something along the lines of sure why not and ohmydear I complained about it all day.

I hated it. My mom described it as having chewed ten thousand sticks or pieces of bubblegum and not being able to get it out of your mouth. Not only that, but the feeling and taste of it left me nauseous all fucking day.

Dad and I played around with the pool after we all got back from the dentist, and Joe helped as well since he was home from his half day. The threads - of all things - were leaking on the pool and he found some liquid rubber stuff to fix it. Except now I have no idea how we're going to be folding up the pool this year, since that stuff is kind of permanent. And the valves that lead off to the filter are now eternally fixed on the pool. We can take the tubes off, sure, but the valves are going on four or five years old and they're only plastic.

Whatever, though. The pool is completely up, the leak that we missed on the bottom of the pool isn't of consequence anymore, and I got to dump all the chemicals into it. Ran out of the algae preventative stuff, though, so the pool's been green a while. Somehow the filter's been running clean after washing all the rust out of it a couple times, but the water is still green and not completely clear. I don't know what to do.

I'll figure it out. I'm pretty good at taking preventative measures on the pool and setting it up. It's once we don't take care of it for a week that I can't go back to having it sparkling. It's sad.

I started working on some PHP code for the X-Mansion website I've had in my head for a long, long time now. I decided to hell with it with the HTML and CSS coding and go straight for what I know is going to be a pain in the butt. All I'm doing right now is writing the parameters for the daily randomized weather gadget I need specifically made up for it, but I'm having a hard time. Didn't get very far that day. Got the January high temperature thing to show up as one solid number on the page, but since this is a PHP page that will dump into a MySQL database, I don't want anything to show up. I just got to mash together another couple PHP codes. I already mashed the random from array thing together - at least that day. I've gotten a little further on the code since Friday.

Then it was off to work. I was cut table, as always, and the day started out good. I tried to keep a positive mindset. I dunno why it didn't stay. Eventually I just wanted to leave.

Around nine or something, Wes asked if I wouldn't mind staying another half hour, and I told him I'd prefer to leave. I was still feeling nauseous over the flouride stuff even though I brushed my teeth clean of it well before going to work, and I just didn't want to be there anymore. Thankfully, he let me go. I was so happy. He told me he still owed me for closing for him on Thursday, especially after he learned how late I was there with Matt. Wes really is a good guy. I don't know why I keep having to tell this to people.

I texted Abbi and told her I was done with work, since she was coming over after I was done. Once I got home, though, I asked Mom if Daysie had gotten a bath yet and immediately threw her in the laundry tub and gave her a bath. I tossed my work shirt aside since I know I can't ever stay dry when giving her a bath, and was working in my bra. When Abbi showed up and waved at me through the laundry room window (I guess I was loud enough so that she heard me?), my mom asked me if I knew that I was in my bra. Um ... yeah. She also asked me if Abbi had ever seen me in my bra before. Um ... yeah. My mom came down into my room once when I was walking around without my shirt on and asked why I didn't have a shirt on. I told her it was because the shirt I wanted was in the laundry and I was waiting for it. I know my pajamas.

I do need to go on a pajama hunt for the road trip, though. Although simply underwear and a night gown should work fine. I have plenty of night gowns for summer.

I finished cleaning Daysie up, didn't dry her to Mom's standards, and we kind of just hung out in the living room for a bit. Ben was coloring with markers (I always preferred colored pencils and never really understood the allure of markers), and I ended up giving him what's left of my markers. Have some markers from Redford still functioning. The only markers I kept were my artist ones that cost about $2 a marker and the ones I use for my German Chibi comics that I haven't made a new one in, like, two or three years. I like those comics. I've also used them for a for-sale sign for Puddin. Markers are handy every now and again. These ones have a nice color range.

Abbi and I soon retreated to my room, but Ben followed us. He found some toys that he "needed" to show me and kind of made a bigger mess of my already pigsty of a room. I told him they needed to go. He wouldn't leave us alone, either. Eventually I ended up locking my room door and tolerated him knocking at the door for far too long. Joe showed up and told him that we didn't want him around and suddenly Ben was gone.

Joe also found the Visual Homes CD, and while it doesn't work on my laptop, it works on his computer. I'm actually really excited. That was my favorite game as a kid and it's not even a game. Now I can actually see to designing the house that's been in my head for years. I'm going to build that house, eventually, man. It's not a big house, but that's okay.

I've kind of realized it's somewhat designed after the cabin we stayed at in Tennessee, but not quite. For the longest time the master bedroom was over the kitchen, but that somehow turned into a master loft, and then the master loft turned into a master loft overlooking the kitchen over the living room.

So ... it's not even close to the cabin we stayed at in Tennessee.

Abbi and I rewatched the first episode of season three of Supernatural and watched the second episode on top of that. We decided we were tired after the second one, so we settled down to sleep, but of course we never did. We snuggled and talked. I did end up telling her what I was writing about in German, though in a much gentler and less vulgar way. I don't know how to write that shit in German, okay? My German in shaky and it makes me sad.

A lot of things make me sad. I always say "now I'm sad" and I don't even know why.

She didn't have a lot of feedback for me, which made me a little nervous, but at the same time I'm glad I said something rather than sit on it. I just ... I want her to be happy, okay? Because she makes me happy. I still don't really know what she thinks about what I said. But I can wait. She waited for me to say it in the first place.

Later, we talked again about how we were both afraid to kiss one another. She keeps saying she doesn't have any experience and for me ... I don't usually make the first move. I dunno why it makes me nervous or second-guess myself. But I told her I was afraid, she replied, and I just kissed her. Didn't let myself think about it anymore. Just kissed her.

I like her kisses. She has nice kisses.

Really, though. Then afterwards I wanted to kiss her again and now I don't know why I didn't do it. I dunno.

I dunno anything.

And that makes me angry.

I've devolved to childish statements of feelings.

I think I woke up around nine or something, but we didn't actually get out of bed until much later. She made herself leave, and I wanted to give her a goodbye kiss then too, but I never really got the chance. Ben popped up again out of nowhere and I really don't know how or why or when. He was just suddenly there. And I had to say goodbye to my Abbi.

I worked on the PHP code again. I took a shower. I got dressed into the dress, and now I wonder if it ever covered my ankles. Because it didn't. Not that day.

Dad informed me that we were taking the Milan, and upon finding out that it only had a quarter of a tank he went and filled it up. He completely filled it up. I was going to do that Tuesday, but apparently now I don't have to.

Hehe. Tuesday.

When I went and took care of the rabbits, I found out that Bee had gotten out of his cage (I didn't latch it the day before), but I didn't make much effort to put him back. Never did that day, either. He kind of just ran around all day. Whoops.

It took us a long time to find where the whole wedding party was. We saw the gazebo at which they got married, but it was already after the ceremony, and we couldn't find the reception. No one was outside like the invitation said they would be. We did end up finding everyone, though, fifteen minutes later. Dad just drove around in circles. The only giveaway was that Scott and Matt were outside by Matt's car drinking beers out of a cooler. They told us that everyone had already started eating - despite it being around four o'clock - and that we better hurry and get a plate to eat.

The food wasn't bad. I don't think I got quite enough to eat, but whatever. Dana also offered me some of the sparkling wine they had, but it was much too dry for my tastes. It probably wasn't dry. I just don't alcohol well. Found out later it was 10% alcohol. It just tasted like sparkling dry to me.

I thought this wedding was no alcohol. Bring your own booze thing.

The reception was boring as hell. We ended up outside more often than not hanging out by the cooler in the back of Matt's car. At one point one of the groomsmen came around outside and asked everyone to come inside to "support the bride and groom" by dancing inside. But the DJ was playing the music very loudly, wasn't listening to people when they asked him to turn it down, and half of the music was music I did not enjoy. I don't know if it was that night (I think it was) but I resolved that I don't like country, but I will listen to it for my Abbi and only my Abbi. Then it's not so bad.

I wished she was there with me the entire night. It would have made everything so much better. Also made me think about our future together, because there is no way in hell I'm living a life without her in it. She's stuck with me, damnit.

It's funny. I thought that I'd be living a life forever alone, and while I got lonely often, I thought I'd live with it. Didn't think relationships were worth it. Ha - well, the one I got with Abbi sure is. It's funny how differently I think of her. In a good, better way, though.

Jeff asked me if I had any boyfriends, and I replied no. He said, "Good," they're not good until after thirty-five anyway. No idea what he meant. I was tempted to tell him that I didn't even have plans to have a boyfriend, since I have a girlfriend, but that's probably a bad idea. Jeff's a wild card. Doesn't help that he's the slobbering family drunk. Drinks from the time he wakes up until he passes out.

I had to ask my mom who Aleisha was. She was sitting between Justine and Krysta and I couldn't figure it out.

I found myself a deck of cards and started playing freecell. A couple people asked if I had brought my own cards, and all I did was hold up the box and show them that it was a deck of cards specifically for the wedding. "M+J" or something. Megan plus Jacob. The second game of freecell, my grandpa was sitting beside me and kept telling me moves that weren't really moves. A while later he moved the cards himself, decided it didn't work himself, and put them back. Mom told me she saw a couple moves I could do. Made me nervous for a while, that I was doing it wrong. Ended up winning both games. Freecell takes time and thinking for me, but I usually do win.

That was about the extent of the wedding reception. We kind of all decided to take our leave with Jake and Megan left with a Ranger decorated "Just Married." Their license plate was "2DMOON." Dad couldn't figure it out. Matt and Mom read it out loud immediately.

Instead of going home, we drove over to Cindy's house and hung out there for a while. We made a pit stop where we picked up snackage, beer, and beverages for Joe, Ben, and me. Got my customary Peace Tea. Dana had pictures everywhere from Grandma's and Grandpa's childhood and she had me look through Aunt Cindy's wedding album.

Okay, so Dana's my actual aunt. And Matt and Scott are my actual uncles. But I only say Aunt Cindy and Aunt Jane when they're my great-aunts. Huh.

Matt had an afro at, like, age twelve. He looked just like himself. With an afro. We also decided that Zach is identical to Grandpa.

I was cold almost the entire time I was there. I had a hoodie thing on, but I didn't have a change of clothes, so I didn't have socks or pants. Just the dress. I was kind of thankful when we left. For one, I got to warm up. For two, I was one step closer to seeing my Abbi again.

I don't like being away from her anymore, okay? It doesn't feel right anymore. She's a huge part of my life now.

I was designated driver, even though I forgot my ID at home. I brought my phone, but not my wallet for once.

Oh - Abbi texted me and told me that Justin was making her uncomfortable and explained why ... and I got so mad. Really mad. I was half tempted to call the store and cuss him out then and there mad. I did end up calling Jake before we left for home to remind me if I needed to work at four or five the next day, but I never did end up cussing Justin out. Didn't do it today, either, even though I had ample chance. We closed together for Pete's sake. I did yell at him for clicking his tongue as his way of asking me to move, though. Was very firm in telling him to not ever do that to me again. After he left, I was talking to Kayla about how he pissed me off, and I mentioned how I didn't appreciate him hitting on my girlfriend, either. Though I think Dumb was the only person around at that point.

But I'm ahead of myself.

We took the back way home. Ended up on a one-and-a-half lane road which was pretty as hell. Encountered a car with one headlight on the inside ... side. Once we hit paved roads again, there was almost always oncoming traffic. Pissed me off a lot, actually. And then Dad was criticizing my driving half the time - how close I got to the person in front of me, mostly - and I was so conscious of my driving it was freaking me out. Kept telling me to slow down when we came up on curves, but never complained at the velocity when we actually made it to the curve. He had the GPS in his lap most of the time, too. I don't think he believed me when I said I could find a way home without much of a problem, except Howell always turns me around. Always. Don't know what's up with Howell. And, even with the GPS in his hands, even Dad got turned around at Howell, so now I don't feel as bad.

Mom started complaining at us about fifteen minutes before we got home at how bad she had to pee. Beer, man. Goes right through a person.

Not that I know that from experience. Really, I don't.

I didn't stay long at home. I got dressed into my pajamas, and then tried to take the multiple choice part of my government test. The first question, I knew the answer to it, tried to answer it, and the radio buttons wouldn't work. So I learned that I can't take online tests on Opera. Emailed Dr. Wasserman right away and told her what happened. I was kind of in per-hysterical crying at that point, but I immediately shoved my laptop into my laptop bag thing, and left for Abbi's house. Told my parents that we were going to continue planning our road trip.

Dr. Wasserman emailed me almost immediately, even though it was after midnight. Told me she reset my test and that I should take it on Chrome. No, really? I didn't think Opera would violently reject my test taking.

Abbi and I did find a choice of two hotels for Mackinaw City, but that's about it. I think we'll be paying an average of $55 a night. I can do that. We then snuggled up into bed, talked some more, and eventually fell asleep.

Although, for some reason, I couldn't stay asleep.

Despite that, we didn't force ourselves out of bed until two. Although usually getting out of bed translates to goodbye. Maybe that's why getting out of bed is so tough for us. We don't like saying goodbye.

I did peel myself away from her house and headed home. Caught Bee, took care of the rabbits, problem shot the PHP code some more. Took the multiple choice part of the test. Went to work.

It was a slow, slow, slow day. Almost annoyingly so. But at the same time, I would rather it be slow than busy.

Justin was being an idiot again, but I think that's because he doesn't know how to not be an idiot. I was so done with him today. Wes told me that I can't be my normal self toward him because I'm not allowed to favor anyone or something. I dunno. But I did end up giving Justin a piece of my mind. Told him that I can't tolerate idiots, and he replied with that he doesn't like bitches. Yes, I know I'm a bitch. Good luck getting to me with personality flaws, because I know them by now and you are not going to piss me off with using them against me. I've figured myself out fairly well, thank-you.

He kept asking me when he could leave tonight. Told him what was possible according to which parameters and he kept going on. The dude won't shut up and I'm sick of him already.

I started cleaning about ten minutes after nine and got a couple calls. One for a family feast and one for a pan. The night was going relatively smoothly, and then I lost all luster for anything at those phone calls. Answered them monotonously. The only thing I could do was tell myself that I only had two more days. Two more days.

That's been the only thing getting me through work lately. I've been counting down the days.

Hell - I'm at thirty-five and a half hours for this paycheck already. Even if I only get six and five more hours tomorrow and Tuesday, I'll be at forty-five. Which won't mean a great paycheck, but it won't mean a terribly bad paycheck. Though last week I got seven and six hours. Six hours with Nate instead of Matt.

Once Justin and I were done, I was gone like a bat out of hell. I only recently remembered that I didn't give him the cheese cups, but whatever. I don't think Ralph will make a big deal out of it. Matt and Jake were sitting in the parking lot, and Matt called a goodbye to me, and I half-heartedly replied and was gone.

Unfortunately, I didn't go straight home. Even with gas prices through the roof, Dad filled up the Milan, I wasn't in a great mood, and I wanted to listen to music. The car is the best place to do that. Didn't go far, but I didn't get home until about eleven.

Took the essay part of my government test. Got the two questions out of three that I did absolutely no studying for, so I ended up answering the first one kind of out of the book. I had forty minutes, so I used the first ten or so just reading the chapter on what I needed to regurgitate. I hope I answered everything she wanted. Kind of left things out so that it didn't appear that I did what I did do.

I should be watching Wes's movie, but I have until Tuesday to get it back to him. Maybe Abbi will watch it with me tomorrow night.

Gonna go to the bank, hit the Vault of Midnight, pick up some edible critters for Jules tomorrow, and whatever other errands I remember tomorrow. I had Jules climbing all over me today. We did well in not letting her fall until the very end of the episode of Supernatural. She just fell to the ground. Whatever you think a hedgehog falling a foot and a half or so sounds like, you're probably right. It's like dropping a brush. Or a Beanie Baby. Yes - a Beanie Baby! Didn't phase her, either, which is good. I put her back and she just dug around. No idea what she was doing.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. I work with Abbi, though, so that automatically helps. Seriously.

SONG OF THE DAY: Knights of Shame ~ Awolnation