(Not to jump right into the journal or anything.)
I was taking a phone call when my alarm told me it was 7:09 (I've missed 7:10 too often, though lately I really am acutely aware of when it's 7:10), so I dismissed it whilst taking an order. Didn't take my phone out, just told it to shut up. When I hung up with the call, I glanced up at the wall, saw it was 7:10, and then I turned around to look at Zach. I had a smile on my face, but before I could say anything, the phone rang again. I answered it begrudgingly. Thankfully whoever it was only ordered a sub, and I was done well within the minute. As soon as I hung up the phone again, I looked back at the clock, then turned quickly around. "It's 7:10!" I exclaimed.
Now Zach, he acts like he's unhappy and he slumps his shoulders and lets out a huge sigh. "Alright," he told me and held out his arms. He gives nice hugs, really. But I know that he doesn't hate them. Because when I was sick for that week, on Tuesday I dismissed the alarm and didn't even care. I was barely making it through the night. After 7:10, Zach asked what was wrong and why I didn't try hugging him. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked me.
Oh good golly, no! He's definitely a friend and as I said, I love his hugs. I just love hugs. Period. But I had to convince him that he did nothing wrong and that all was well. Besides the fact that I burst into tears because I couldn't find anyone to cover for me and I knew I should not have been working that night.
I don't think I mentioned it, but apparently after I left that day, Erich and Owen got in a huge spat about how Owen always wants to leave early and yadda yadda. I was there when Erich flipped out on Matt for having an opinion and observation (okay, Matt has annoying opinions often). I guess Erich also yelled at Ben for doing nothing. I can see where the guy is coming from, especially when Ben's doing nothing, but good golly, man. I'm glad I'm a good worker. Honestly, I try and keep myself busy as much as possible.
Sometimes I get pulled into social-ness, but I usually socialize after I'm off the clock. Wes eventually caught on. XD
I knew Wes knew that I liked Nate. I knew it by the way he was speaking. He still never told me, but how freaking else?
Oh!
Yeah, so today between lab and lecture, I settled down in one of the nooks and crannies of the college. Second floor of the LA building, right where the bridge connects the LA building to the GM building. Right by those vending machines. But anyway, I was looking through my math notes as well as the journals I have written in that notebook, and Nate walked by.
I'm pretty damn sure I smiled broadly. I know I waved. He smiled back at me, waved back, and asked what's up? I mean, it's pretty much his hello, but all's good between us. I know that, but I don't know where we stand. Y'know? He's talking to me again, but he's as incomprehensible as always. He's still the Mr. Smiley he always was, like the night I yelled at him all night to speak and told him my nickname for him.
Jake closed that night. Why the fuck do I remember that?
I actually kinda miss Jake being a manager. We talked a lot more when he managed, and now I hardly see him at all. I get angry at him often, but at least he can semi-articulate what's going on in his head when I talk to him. We did get along very well, once upon a time.
I saw Kevin today, too. I was walking around the LA building, half looking for Cara, and Kevin was sitting in the row of chairs in pi hall. He was listening to music, but he's never without music. I asked him what was up, and he just said he was listening to Meshuggah. I know that band. Amazing drums, but I can't get past the lead screamer. I told Kevin that before, he shrugged it off.
We talked for a while, though. One of the first topics he brought up was his paycheck and how it compared to Nate's (which I have a general idea of how much Nate makes anyway), and Nate was brought up often. Okay, the two are best friends. But Kevin also knows that I like Nate. I texted Kevin about it. I ... don't ... whatever.
It's nice talking to Kevin, though. I miss him. He wasn't a great manager, but he was a fun coworker. Yes, my liking for work has improved greatly since Kevin was fired since he's such a pessimistic guy, and I kind of do feed off of what other people are feeling. I'm like a mirror. We hated each other at first, but once we started talking, he's a good guy. There are just some stories that I have that I'm like, oh, I wish I could tell Kevin this. But he hardly answers my texts anymore anyway.
I'm so glad he answered me when I thought Nate was going to ignore me forever. That helped so much.
Hummmm....
Okay, so this morning I woke up at 6:50 for the first time in a couple weeks. After hardly being able to sleep at all, it felt pretty damn abrupt. I quickly got dressed and ready for the day, and was out of the house by seven.
Ohmydear! I wonder if I can text Zach at 7:10 in the morning. XD He'd probably kill me.
Anyway, so I started down the south side of Dancer until I saw a bus with it's warning lights flashing. Knowing that the tree was down in the middle of the road, I abruptly turned around and took Wylie to Steinbach to get to Cara's house. I picked her up and good golly, traffic was bad.
So we found this little list on Tumblr that quotes things I'm assuming the author says in the car. Everything written in that list is what I say. Lemme see if I can find it.
Yeah, so, you want to know what kind of driver I am? *points* Every time I yelled something out on the expressway this morning, Cara and I laughed. We both reblogged this with some variation of mentioning my driving habits, and good golly, that is me.Things I Say While Driving
- Me: What the fuck are you doing. What. The fuck. Are you doing.
- Me: NICE BLINKER ASSHOLE.
- Me: Why the FUCK are we not even going to speed limit. Why.
- Me: I AM GOING TEN MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
- Me: Shit is that a cop? No.
- Me: Shit THAT is a cop.
- Me: /dinosaur screams/
I'm pretty sure I said this morning "WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ONLY GOING 30 MILES AN HOUR? WE'RE ON THE FUCKING EXPRESSWAY, IDIOTS!" There's a whole bunch of other things in the half hour drive, but I forget them all now. Cara and I were saying that we need to record what we (see: I) say and just write it down. Because I'm not a happy driver. I get road rage, and I tailgate.
Yeah, so, tailgating.
I was on my way home, and I got stuck behind this old ass car on Island Lake. He started out all good, going up the hill and gaining speed faster than my Milan. The Milan doesn't like hills. Once the road leveled out, though, he wouldn't go about 45. The speed limit is 55, contrary to what most drivers think. I don't even know.
So, I rode his ass. He slammed on the breaks, and I almost rear-ended him. You don't slam on the breaks, asshole, you tap them to tell the person behind you that you're ticked off. Because I was already showing him I was angry by tailgating him. I backed off a little, but he slammed on his breaks again. I layed on the horn, and by now we were going, like, 25. I was having none of this. We were past the passing lane for Island Hills Estates or whatever that subdivision is, the cop wasn't hiding behind the tree, so I floored the car and whipped it into the other lane. Technically, that's not a passing area, but if my car can get up to 40 within the second, and he was only going, like 20, I would fly right by him.
But NO! The dude actually turns his car straight towards mine, as if trying to hold me back or something. I didn't pay attention. I curved more into the shoulder, the gas pedal still touching the fucking floor, and kinda fishtailed back into the correct lane. I kept going. Passed 55, went on to 70, and eventually 80. Only then did I ease off of the gas. Okay, maybe not eased off. I glided down the rest of the way to Dancer, but kept going to Lima Center.
I was shaking from the adrenaline. I thought he was going to ram into me. Or the car would spin out of control or something.
Alright, I was being an asshole to begin with. I know that. You don't tailgate someone that closely. I can understand if he taps on the break to tell me to back off. I actually respect that. If only for a second. You do not do what that driver did. Alright? Alright.
I get pissed off easily, especially while driving. So, yeah.
Um, while sitting in Chemistry lecture, I thought I had more to say, but now I forget it all. I pretty much just updated what happened since I submitted the last journal, like, four hours ago. Not even. What the fuck, me?
Don't have a song of the day, either. I don't write much anymore, but every time I think of a song, it's something I've had before. Yeah, sure, I have over 100 songs of the days, and all but two aren't repeated at all. But I need some new music, man. I need to listen the hell out of Kevin's music, and then do some exploring of my own again.
How did I even find Eisbrecher to begin with? Because that was purely me.
Anyway, yup. I'mma shut up now.
EDIT
I lied. I forgot to talk about my Chemistry lab, and I might as well go on from there.
So for the Chemistry lab, we didn't have the usual lab write up we have. So I printed out the sheets that I needed for the class and I didn't have anything else to do. Until I remembered to do the prelab worksheet before class started. It got done easily enough. Everything else was done in the lab packet right on the sheets of paper. It was kind of weird not writing out a procedure.
My lab table, which consisted of me, Tom, Chris, Ahmed, and some other girl I've never talked to before, all collaborated throughout the whole lab. It was easier and faster. Because honestly, that was the worst wording I've ever seen before. I swear, whoever wrote that lab wanted us to fail, because the wording had, like, hidden messages and we kept having to backtrack and over think everything. By the middle of the lab, none of us could think straight anymore. Even our professor said that the lab was written terribly. There were hidden questions in the text that if someone wasn't reading it carefully, would have completely skipped over it.
The lab also lasted a lot longer than it needed to. There wasn't a lot of wet lab work to do. It was just puzzling over the questions, listening to Dunbar's lecture, and watching the cheesy Chemistry video. Some people had never seen that guy before.
"Wow! Look at that reaction!"
And then Chemistry lecture bored me out of my skull. Eric and I often talk to each other, a lot about how much of a waste of time lecture is, and half of everything else I can't actually hear. My ears are stupid.
But tonight, he started texting me again. I can't have anything more than a friendship with this guy. But, typical to a Libra personality, I can't just shoot him down. For some reason, I have placate him. I don't know what's fucking wrong with me. I can't tell him that I don't want anything more. That I'm interested in this other guy that'll most likely just push me away every time I try getting close.
Now that's about it.
Actually, one more thing.
I did bread sticks tonight because it's the day before Halloween, and Ben was complaining that he'd be screwed over because Abbi is slower and rolling bread sticks than I am, so there would be less sticks in the walk-in to be used for Halloween. So I volunteered. I actually don't mind doing bread sticks anymore, so long as the dough isn't shit.
When I finished, it was just me, Matt, and Erich at the shop. Before I left, Galya's name was brought up, and Matt asked me why I acted so nice to her if I hate her.
Okay, I don't hate her. I just hold grudges, and I feel like she was the one that hurt me that week. That feeling isn't ever going to go completely away, and I don't think there's a lot that I can do that will stop it. But I didn't say that. Instead, he asked for an explanation of what happened. He's done that to me a few times. Before, I said it was too personal to explain.
This time, I took a while to figure out how to say it, but eventually I told him, "Friends don't tell other friends to do something that will hurt them." Immediately, Matt understood. I could tell. He knew. "Oh, I get it now," he told me. Now, I actually wonder if that understanding was about what I feel towards Nate, but I bet it is. Based on what else I've said around Matt. I couldn't believe he pieced it together so well, though.
So now Wes, Abbi, Galya, Matt, Kevin, and Nate all know for sure. This isn't going to be a secret for much longer. I just ... it's none of their business. Well, Abbi's one thing. But Wes and Matt don't need to be included.
Now I may be done.
But I have a song of the day now. And, miraculously, it's not a repeat song of the day song.
SONG OF THE DAY: Lose Yourself ~ Eminem
No comments:
Post a Comment