Recapping

I mean, I sure didn't finish all of what I had to say yesterday. That's really only the tip of the iceberg. Granted, everyone leaving at work (especially the guys I like) doesn't sound like much, but I gave a lot of reasons as to why.

That's not even including all of the stress I'm putting myself under.

First of all, I'm not doing anything in my programming class. I promised myself Freshman year that I'd never take another class with Romeo. Ever. Yet I was left with a choice between Romeo and Mattner, I think, so the choice was between the lesser of two evils. Let me guess.... But still. I hate what we're doing, and I can't even find anything online to cheat. BASIC is so obsolete, no one ever uses it anymore. I was contemplating asking him if I could finish the HA-RPG site I was working on, if he'd give me credit ... and now I don't think I have much of a choice. Although I know he'll tell me no, that wouldn't work. Seriously, someone needs to get rid of these stupid teachers. Romeo being the first one.

Then this Wednesday I took my AP Calc exam. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Then again, we've been working on reviews for the exam for the past month. The 2012 exam didn't stray too far from those that we took as practice. It took up all of the day, though, and by the time I was finished, I couldn't even think about a single number. My brain was fried for the rest of the day, though I still had to work through Chemistry.

Speaking of Chemistry, I'm so glad I took that class. Our class solved Mrs. Wells's murder within two days. Katie and I had hair and fiber analysis. Not exactly my favorite subject out of all we did, but it was very fun learning about what actually happens at a crime scene and how they're solved out. I mean, this is my dream job, what we did in that class.

I also decided that I won't be going to Grand Valley yet, but go to Washtenaw Community College for a year or two. While there, I might run into Kevin, Laura and/or Kimmy. But that's not why I'm going. On the salary I currently have (I'll up my hours over the summer), I'll be able to pay for that college as I go along. I won't be in debt until I transfer into Grand Valley.

It also means I get to stay at home. Joe gets more and more stupid every day, but I get to stay at home with my rabbits. I get to breed them so that I can actually show them when they're old enough. I get to hang out with them, pet them, take care of them. Yadda yadda. I also get to stay with Daysie.

My family is contemplating selling the dog because when Ben sits on the couch to play video games and the dog is next to him, he gets the snuffles. Oh, sucks to be him. We've had the dog longer, he never had any symptoms up until now, and I downright refuse to get rid of the dog. I mean, I explained in my last journal how I stuck up for the dog when my dad wanted to beat her. Now I'm just supposed to give her up? The one animal I turn to when I'm really down in the dumps? I love that dog, and I'm sorry if she gives Ben the sniffles, but I refuse to get rid of her. It ain't happening. I will fight it if they even think that through any further. I'll lock her up in my room with me if I have to, but she isn't leaving.

On another note, I was hoping to see Red - currently my obsession band - in concert next week. I was planning on going for a couple months beforehand. I gave Olivia money so that she could buy me a ticket, and then she turns around and tells me I have to be eighteen in order to get in. It turns out that the Machine Shop, which is where the concert is, is also a bar and you have to be eighteen in order to get in. I'm turning eighteen in October, so I won't be able to get in. All of my plans, surprise surprise, don't go through. Why? Not my fault this time. On Red's website, they said for all ages. So I'm fucking pissed about that. I mean, they can't have told their fans that there is an age restriction because of the location? It's bad enough that it was in Flint, so I was trying to recruit the people I worked with to go along with for protection. None of them were able to go, but Jake I know asked how the concert was, and I told him it didn't happen yet and I am ineligible to go. Sometimes it makes me wonder why I even try. I really see no point in it half of the time.

It's not that I'm giving up, but I give up hope. I feel like curling up in a ball in my room and ignoring everything else. Nothing else really matters, after all. Risks don't ever turn out in my favor. Just do what I need to do to carry on, but don't put any emotional effort into because all it'll ever do is backfire in my face. I kid you fucking not.

I also have Katie and Alyssa depending on me to get X-Men costumes finished by next Monday. Not this Monday, but about ten days from now. Apparently I'm the only one that can sew out of all of us. So I have to get my costume together, their costumes together, along with work, homework, and all of the regular shit. I'm going to have to put my nose to the grindstone and disallow myself to procrastinate any further or screw around. I need to get this shit right the first time around or I'm going to be sorry.

I'm going to dress up as Rogue. The day after prom, I'm going to die my hair, probably finish up my costume, and by that time I need to polish off my (horrible) Southern accent. I'll adopt her personality, and I dunno ... have fun. I kind of second think this every now and again, but I've gotten Alyssa's and Katie's hopes up too far. This is one thing that I can't push away.

So next week I have the AP Calc final, which is on Wednesday and Thursday. I no longer have the concert because of their fucking age restriction. Friday I have to work. Saturday is prom, and I'll be sleeping over at Katie's house that night. Sunday I need to finish preparations for the X-Men day, and the Monday I need to dress up and try to have fun. I feel like fun is currently out of my reach. Perhaps I should ask Jake if he'll allow me to tag along some time or another, just to have some fun that I've never allowed myself before.

The people I work with, man.

On top of everything that needs to get done, I just joined another X-Men role play game. I kind of miss writing little mini stories in response to other peoples' mini stories. My fanfiction, Fallen Apart, is totally based off of the first X-Men RPG that I ever joined. I don't exactly feel like admining New Nation again, so I joined Half Moon Marvels. We'll see how this goes, I suppose. They really pushed my bio skills, asking me to explain the smallest details, but they appear to really like me. That's cool. It does help that I play Gambit, though. I love that charming Cajun.

Kind of just wants me to find a nice guy that isn't taken ... though I don't do well with relationships. Fuck. Just ride the wind, girl. No use in wishing and wanting, because it'll never happen.

It never does.

And Mom tells me that that's life, and that it sucks, and all this shit. No, that's just you because you let yourself get shafted. I still feel like fighting, but now is definitely not the time. I just want to abandon hope, because nothing ever good comes with it. That's all.

SONG OF THE DAY: Shadows ~ Red