Procrastination Makes Busy

*insert giant sigh here*

I really, really, really should be working on my Calculus homework right now, but I just don't feel like. I'm tired, possibly because I stayed up semi-late (though nothing compared to last year or whatever) last night to finish a Fallen Apart chapter. I'm tired, possibly because I've taken on my responsibility than was ever normal for a longer period of time. I understand now, I truly do. I don't think I have wanted to actually grow up for years now. Unfortunately, Father Time doesn't neglect his children.

I don't feel like crying. I so glad that I haven't felt like that for a long time now. I really do not like having to hide the tears, both from family and friends. I'm not sad, per say. That just isn't the right word. Depressed shan't work, either. Especially since I was ecstatic earlier in the day. Even in the morning I had a smile on my face, which hasn't happened since who knows when. I have a sign on my bedroom door that clearly states "Zombie X-ing." And then zombies had to crop up everywhere. I swear, I don't like these trends.

But anyway, this morning deviantArt started its buy one get one free for Premium memberships. I'd been saving up devPoints for a long time for this. Even though I didn't have enough to buy me a year membership, I did get four months on my main account and three months on my HA-RPG account. I gave one to that account first, then gave a month membership to Alyssa. So, while harmful ads are no longer the big problem that I had to worry about since finding an ad blocking extension for Chrome, I do have more customization options on my profile. It's kinda nice to have a centering ability now.

That made me happy.

I was drowsy nearly all day in school, and I had to switch to a new book (I was reading Stephen King) in Pop Lit, but that doesn't mean I still won't be reading that book. I hope to get it finished relatively quickly so that I don't have to worry about some other unknown book when it comes to partner reading. Unfortunately, no one in that class is at my reading level, so either someone is going to have to step up, or I'll have some elementary book to read. Right now, that's the case with the group reading.

Driving the truck to and from school always gives me a goofy smile on my face, too. The experiences I receive from driving both the truck and car are so different. I definitely prefer the truck. So much horsepower and beautiful engine sounds. I didn't even know that I was into that sort of stuff. XD Not really. I just like the power.

*sigh*

I've already reached the point in the school year where I seriously just need it to end. The homework is hardly beneficial because I don't care. When I reach that don't care point, bad things happen. But there is nothing I can do to stop myself from thinking that way. I've tried. Plenty of times. I try to be all pip and say, "This ends now! Procrastination be gone! I'm going to give a shit today!" It never happens.

Normally I'm that way going into work, too. I'm all ho-hum and strung up from nerves (even a few weeks into it now) when I first enter. Thankfully the time passes by relatively quickly. I get phones and take-out most of the time, and those happen to be quite demanding for two hours of the day. The other two hours I spend folding boxes and rolling bread sticks. I normally hum random songs to myself since hardly anyone else is in the back to talk to. I have been talking more, though.

Classic Pizza. I walk into the house every day after work and Mom always comments about my smell. I work in a pizzeria for Pete's sake.

But I should be getting some money soon. Even though I have debts to pay to my parents, as well as buy presents for Christmas.

I don't like Christmas. It's been a holiday that has lost its charm more and more as the years go by. Not only do we have to listen to the irksome Christmas carols, but we have the commercials to tune out, the general hum to ignore ... the cold to ward yourself against. Jeez, I hate the cold. I absolutely despise being so cold that I shiver, and even wrapping myself up in blankets doesn't help. I don't much like the snow, unless it's that amazing temperature that allows me to pack it perfectly in order to make an igloo. I have an obsession with that every year. But otherwise, winter can go away. I know, Michigan is the perfect place to complain about that.

Only a few more years, right? I can take my rabbits and go.

Did I ever mention on here that I got new rabbits? Jillian, Clover and Lilac. We bought them for their hutches, but the only one I plan on keeping is Jill. I was actually able to pet her today without her running away. Considering her temperament when I bought her, that's a huge improvement. Baby steps, Autumn always says.

I kinda miss an art class. I thought Pop Lit and German IV were going to be the equivalent to that, but they aren't. The work in Pop is worthless and German IV confuses me more than anything. It's almost like another Schmid class, but with Frau Z. I don't feel like I'm learning much anymore.

The only reason I look forward to school is because of the friends. That never used to be the case in earlier years. I want to see my Gilly every day ... because I've sort of developed a crush over her. Seriously, emotions should be banished. They're only confusing, and I don't much like sorting through them. I miss the world where everything was at least halfway organized.

I dunno.

I need a long, long weekend. A weekend without work and without school. I sort of had that last weekend, but I had work Sunday night. So I sort of didn't. I want to sleep, I don't want to see the snow, I am sick of school already.

My good mood evaporated within an hour. I want it back.

Being a pessimist sucks. "Happiness is a choice?" It's a lot harder to choose for a pessimist. Trust me. I've tried.

SONG OF THE DAY: Machine Gun ~ Noisia