Falling: Where Lies the Bottom?

Thought I'd give a quick update on what's going on life and art-wise.

School has been rather depressing lately. Then again, there isn't much new there since halfway through Junior year. AP Calc is giving me the fits, Pop Lit has me running in circles, German IV has left me confused beyond what has ever been normal. The only thing keeping me afloat there is that I have friends there. I get to see Emily and Caitlin every day, and those two help me a great deal, whether they know it or not. Just their presence sometimes.

Well, and my dog, but she's at home. Oh dear, I needed her last night. I just needed someone to hold me. I've never really had that feeling before. 

Yeah, so, I was in the middle of watching a Dexter show (y'know me, Frau Pirat here) when the Internet suddenly conked out on me. It didn't come back for the rest of the night.

At first I was frustrated and all. Before I did something rash, I threw on my coat and took a short walk in the cold. Normally walking and talking to myself brings my straight thinking back. After being ignored for most of my life, I came up with coping strategies. That happens to be one of them. 

That didn't work. I came back in, the Internet still wasn't coming back, and I had the fear that I wouldn't be able to get my Pop Lit project done before it was due: the next day. Eventually I got pissed enough to punch the wall. I succeeded in bruising my knuckle, as well as draw some blood ... and cry. That broke the wall, and I cried until I went to bed. I grabbed Daysie from her room, pulled her into my bed with me, hugged her tight, and tried to go to sleep. My mom pulled her from my room about eleven o'clock, but I suppose I was more or less under control by then.

The Internet never did come back.

I went to school ... ten minutes early to try and finish the project then, but I was beyond caring by then. My eyes were still puffy from the night before, I had at least another hour of work on the project, and I had thirty minutes to do it. So I didn't. I skulked around the hallways.

The bad feelings build up, man.

Before, I had been all happy that I would come up with the best bid for *WoozleT's spotted adoptable. Beautiful design. Of course it wasn't very realistic, but I wanted to add the sport horse to my stable anyway. The dude date was more or less the 25th of December, but in Woozle's journal, she said that all auctions were extended to February.

I hadn't any time to work on the picture, especially since the style I was using took me seven + hours to do just the face and neck, as well as a small section of the shoulder design. That was a very complex design. I thought I could hold off on it until January or something, when I could calm my nerves.

A week and a half or go or so ... I saw that someone had already won the design contest. I was pissed, to say the least. It wasn't very honest of WoozleT, and I had seven, eight, whatever hours of work turn out to be worthless. It was probably the best work I have ever done, and it's worth shit now. 

I file cleaned my laptop yesterday in order to make room for Dexter season 6. I went through my old pictures, pitched half of them, and deleted about 5 G's of music that I wouldn't ever like anyway. Blues, Jazz ... stuff I don't listen to. I don't do brass instruments and slow songs aren't typically my style. I got rid of the Stones and the Billboard's top 100 or something, and that cleared 2 Gigs right there. 

But anyway, when I was going through the pictures, I very well might have thrown out the WoozleT drawing, which I was fondly calling Jigsaw Puzzle due to the nature of my process. 

So ... I won't be going to her any time soon. I don't do dishonesty. Yet ... ah, never mind.

And, on another note, I lost my driving gloves. I use them for skating too, whenever I do go to a rink (maybe I should think of setting out our rink in the backyard again). I seriously plan on going as often as I possibly can this year. 

I used to figure skate for about five-ish years. Four or five. I dunno. I had lessons with my best friend, Madelyn. The two of us were inseparable. Once I moved to where I am, though, it just wasn't the same. I didn't have any friends in class and ... no matter how hard I tried (with my anemia, which I didn't know about then), I couldn't execute anything the other girls could. They were levels above me. I was struggling with what I believe is called the loop. Perhaps it's a sow cow. I don't remember. Pretty sure those are two completely different jumps. It's an edge jump, though.

When one can skate well, though, you don't just give it up. It sticks with you. I suppose it's the same for any sport you enjoy. Field hockey's going to turn out to be the same way, and I only played that for two years.  But running with a stick in your hand and gliding, maneuvering and jumping on the ice are completely different things. 

I can still do most of what I used to. With what I used to struggle with years ago--edges, three-turns, mohawks--I do without even thinking about anymore. Backwards crossovers are preferred to simple skating. I dunno. Everything I used to struggle with is effortless now. I suppose if I ever do get past this wall that the loop or whatever presents me, I can ask Erika for tips on other jumps. I may be a bit rusty every time I step onto the ice, but I do quickly skate it off.

I normally freak little kids out. I skate around in speeds faster than they can dream of while they totter around. One time I did that to someone a foot or so shorter than me. I had everything under complete control, but since I was skating quickly--backwards--towards her, she screamed and ducked for cover. I bypassed by where she was standing without a blink.

I have control even when rusty. I just don't get on the ice enough.

*clears throat* Enough babbling. Next item on the list.

I ... discontinued the Quick Getaway picture only because I highly doubt I would ever go back and finish it. Perhaps if I have time and more drawing skills, I'll get to it again.

Speaking of which, my New Years Resolution will be to practice on one drawing skill per month. I know what I struggle with, namely faces, hair and clothing, but I want to know what other people think. Which is why I made the poll. 

I expect my mastery to improve in leaps in bounds over the next year, just like it did last trimester with my colored pencil skills. Much thanks to Erika for that one. But I will study and I will follow as much advice as I can to improve upon one particular thing per month. 2012 will be my learning year.

Make sure I do it, 'kay? 'Cause I tend to make promises or plans for myself and then dump 'em cold in the water a month or so afterward.

Thankfully Fallen Apart hasn't made it there yet. Lila's teetering on the edge, which frightens me. I just need to watch some TMNT, that's all.

Anyone up for a TMNT geek day with me? Cousin? I can call *Trapila and Katie over for a TMNT geek day if you would come down ... for a weekend or so. I very much miss you. You better be reading this, damnit. XD

But hey! I'm getting our role play in comic form now! I mean ... as best as I remember that summer ... two years ago now. Daaaaaaaamn. Maybe I can ask Joe if I ever need tips on how he played Mikey. Because Travs was Raph, right? 'Cause he got all temperamental and stalked off back to Grandma's? And you, as Leo, just stuck it on "typical Raph." XD That was a hoot.

I shuddup now, 'cause this ain't a letter. 

Lastly (hopefully), I have another plan for the future. Not New Years Resolution thing--the rest of that has to do with keeping in shape. Ja, ja, ich weiß ... that's everyone's goal. But I have field hockey mindset stuck in me. I can do it!

Buuuuuuuuuuuuut ... it has to do with another role play game.

Like, ohmegosh, aren't you, like, done with that childish shit? Well, no. New Nation may have failed me (not all due to my own fault this time), but this is a completely different role play game I have in mind.

It's all chatroom based. It should have many images for visual pleasure, a friendly interface, as well as hours and hours and hours of coding that must go behind it. I'm lucky to have what I have done done. It shows the weather. A picture of the weather, a temperature, and humidity. 

Oh yeah, that's so hard! A four year-old could do it! Quite possibly, but not the way I did it. I have the information connected to a MySQL database so that I can put this little gadget on every page I create. When I need to change the weather, I go into the database, create a new row to the table, delete the last row, and the information changes on every page. Instead of having to go in and change the HTML of the forty or so pages (probably more) this site should stack up to, I go to the host, change one little thing, and the PHP takes care of it.

That's only one teeny element. I have bigger ones to go through--such as the chatboxes as well as a member interface opposed to a strict guest interface--and much more coding to learn. I've only scratched the surface with PHP. I know HTML and CSS well enough, and I think I have MySQL under control, but I need to learn JavaScript (NOT easy), Ajax, ASP (hopefully not *crosses fingers*) and ... I forget the other one. Something that has to do with browser interface or something so that I can get the chatbox to work. I've also got to work on forums and hopefully a messaging center. As well as a whole slew of other things.

I have things planned out in my sketchbook. Like ... seriously actually sketched out. I feel so dorky.

Not only do I have to come up with the framework, but I need to create every image that will go on the site, specific rules to go along with it, a little storyline ... an advertisement. I mean, jeez! I need the whole thing. And all I have is little ol' moi. The only friends I could think of that would help me with something X-Men related know diddly-squat about coding. 

I understand that this will take me months at best. But I'm willing to expend the energy in what little free time I have.

It should turn out to be fun.