I Missed Work

Let's see if I can't keep this quick. I'm really tired and I wish to go to bed ... an hour ago at the latest. Joy.

Yesterday was nice and chill. Besides the fact that I got woken up by tap dancing elephants. About five o'clock, I took Joe to karate class, and I stopped by at work to check my schedule. Abbi had told me that I worked Thursday through Sunday and that I was managing Thursday along with my weekend days, but I needed to see it anyway. Well, it's a good thing I did. I work four o'clock every single day this week. If I didn't come in, I would have come into work at five instead of four, like I usually do. I don't think Ralph would have been happy. But anyway, along with checking my schedule, I got a big flying tackle bear hug from Abbi. I met a new new John. So now we have dumb Jon, driver John, and new new John. And I just got to say hi to everyone. I miss work when I don't work. Abbi says I work too much, but it's like my home. Sometimes I don't want to be there and I just want to get away, but I feel that way about my house as well. I get along better with the people at work anyway. It's just all those annoying guests - or in this case, customers. :)

I went home afterwards, and as soon as I closed the door behind me I realized that I had wanted to get a calendar and completely forgot. My calendar is stuck on December now and it annoys me. Plus, the picture is of pure ice. With a little mountain in the back, but the ice is disturbing. As if my room isn't cold enough.

I helped my mom out with dinner and made balls of meat. And then I offered to pick Joe up. So I sat in the little, tiny waiting area while the sensei finished off class. And then I drove Joe home. We're seriously on good terms right now, it's kind of scary. We don't get along like this.

We ate dinner, which was delicious. Ben was overly excited by the fact that he picked out the dinner and that it was his birthday dinner. He was just a little excited that he was five years old. What do I mean a little excited? The kid couldn't shut up. And he was a ball of sass. It was interesting, hearing sass from a five year-old. I told him that he should open up his presents before I had to leave to meet up with Wes to go skating, and he wasn't too amused by the bug monster named Benny. I didn't think he would, since it's a stuffed ball of monster. Nah, he got all googly-eyed at the Hotwheels thing and his dinosaur transformer thing. I don't even know what it is. Quickly after, I left.

When I got out of my car, I discovered that Wes was already there waiting in his car. So we said our hellos, paid to get on the ice, got in our skates, and off to the ice we went. It was an outdoor rink, so it was a little colder than I'm used to, and the ice was a lot harder. I almost fell a couple times on my initial speed lap that I always do. For the whole night, I couldn't get my blades to dig in enough for me to feel confident on the ice at all. I was getting frustrated with my inability to skate.

Seriously, I used to feel so free on the ice. No restrictions, because I could do anything that I wanted to on the ice. I could stop. I could skate circles around people without any fear of making a mistake and running into them. I could jump. I think I used to be able to spin. Now all I can do is skate around in wide circles frontwards and back. I can still do a three-turn, though I need one foot still on the ice to guide me. I can do a mohawk. I can do cross-overs. I can still do a bunny-hop lunge combination. I'm awesome at those. But other than that, I'm not who I used to be on the ice. I feel constrained now. I'm certainly a lot less brave. I fear falling all over again.

Wes, see, he knew he was a bad skater. Every time he fell, he laughed it right off. At one point, he was getting back on the ice and I was trying to convince him he wouldn't fall. But, with his hand still on the railing, he slipped and his feet were over his head as he landed. He said he didn't hurt himself, and while it took him a while to get up, he laughed the whole time. Still, I was concerned. I ... do that too. When I'm in pain and others are around me, I'll laugh it off. Sometimes I think I understand guys better than I understand my own gender.

We decided to leave fairly quickly. I told him that my mom had offered to let him come over and have cake and ice cream and he said he'd enjoy that. So he followed me home. The first stop light we encountered, it turned orange over my head and he had to stop. I pulled into a parking lot and waited for it to turn so he could follow me again. And I swear I almost lost him on the expressway. Other than that, he was fine in following me. Sometimes I felt like he wasn't used to going over the speed limit at all. I don't know how to follow speed limits. Seriously.

My mom and dad both greeted him, and my mom had a little conversation with him. I had a long, childish conversation with Ben and I apologized to Wes if Ben was bothering him. But, at the end of the night, he said he enjoyed himself. Really, though, I know he likes me. He likes me a lot. And that's why he enjoyed himself: he was with me.

See, I don't know if I fully return the feelings. He's a nice friend. We share a lot of the same interests, bar football. We get along very well. But, sometimes, I feel like things are too awkward. He isn't that upfront or anything and is very hesitant. I like that to an extent, but I don't want to be the strong one. I want to be heard, but I don't want to make the decisions. I dunno. I like his kisses and his hugs though. But is that just me saying I want human interaction?

Hell, what was I saying to myself at work today? I was talking about this. To myself, mind you. Nate was out on a run and everyone else was gone. But I'm afraid I'm leading him on. I'm afraid I'll be one of those people that just likes the idea of "being in love." I mean, looking at my relationship history, I wouldn't be too surprised. Then again, my relationship history is absolutely horrid.

Bah.

Anyway, I had to push him away to make him leave so he could go home and get sleep for work tomorrow. Today? Um. I lent him my Firefly DVDs so he could finish watching the series, though. I'm catching up on Doctor Who. Okay, not for him, but he makes me continue watching it so religiously. More than I should be watching every night. Except tonight, because I almost fell asleep and it was an exciting episode. I don't do that.

Yeah.

This morning I pretty much woke up to Puddin's shenanigans. And then they were playing basketball above my head again, so the elephants returned briefly. And then it was just Puddin again. I actually screamed at her with my scary man voice and it didn't even phase her. So I didn't feed her this morning out of spite. My mom walked in around noon and asked me if I didn't want to go snowmobiling and I just mumbled at her. I wanted sleep.

I want sleep now. But I need to talk about tonight.

I just played Sims between the time I woke up and the time I had to go to work.

And then, when I walked into work, it was just Ralph there. He gave me a run down on little things I've never been told before. He told me who was working where, even though I'm pretty sure I can figure that out more easily than him. And then he told me that Nate was working in Matt's stead. Which meant I was closing with Nate. Again. Seriously, with our schedules, we should never have closed together. But he keeps switching with Matt, and then I took over for Wes that one day because I was going to be gone for the weekend. The first time Nate switched with Matt, he screwed himself over. I asked him why he switched this time and he said that Matt was supposed to be paying him. I asked him for how much and he looked at me and said that it wasn't for money, but something else. I told him that I probably didn't even have to guess to figure out what that was. He told me to guess anyway. I never did say it out loud. But, knowing them two, I know exactly what Nate was getting in return.

I kind of just realized that Nate always has me guess. I ask him a question, either out of the blue or after one of his statements, and he tells me to guess. I never do. I just tell him to tell me. And he usually does. What is his obsession with adding the unnecessary air of mystery? The things he tells me to guess on are usually very trivial.

And Abbi pointed out tonight that he bugs me about the weirdest things. Because I told him that I had finished watching Dexter over my break and he asked me how it was then, but never brought it up again. He's been bugging me about finishing that for months now, and now that I have finished it, he didn't bring it up again. I wonder if that's what it's going to be like with the gym. He keeps asking me about Abbi and me finding a gym every time we work together.

Work was extremely slow today. Ralph left about six o'clock, leaving me in charge. I let John go at seven because he was bugging me about it and I really didn't need him. I don't think I like him. Abbi told me a story of when Von told John he had to do something and John replied that he didn't take orders from younger kids or something. I don't know. I wonder if he knows I'm 18 as opposed to his age of 24. Because if he doesn't listen to me, I'll give him a tongue lashing. I should tell Von and everyone that I care about that if he tries pulling that off again while I'm there, come to me and I'll yell at him for them. He has to listen to me. I'm his manager. Hehe. I kind of like this little bit of power I have behind me now. Except Owen keeps calling me boss and that freaks me out.

I let Jazmin and Owen go about eight o'clock. Abbi had to stay a bit longer because she had bread sticks. And Jake asked if he could get gas and disappeared for a bit before I could let him go. Nate and I were standing around and we wondered out loud where Jake had gotten to because he was taking so long. I let Abbi go almost as soon as she was done with her stuff. We got some talking in beforehand, though. I missed her. I was gone for, like, four days, and I missed her.

Then it was just me and Nate. Although, at one point, a customer came in and asked if I was the only one there because I told her that I'd get her right after I finished topping a pizza. I said that no, I wasn't, but I had one guy on the road and the other guy ... just disappeared. Nate kind of just walked out the side door and didn't come back in for five minutes or so.

That's kind of how the night went. After it was just me and Nate, Nate kept asking me if he could leave as soon as it was 10. Because he was confident that he could get all the dishes done before closing time as well as have the floors cleaned or something. I told him that he couldn't and that he'd have to stay in case my car couldn't start up. But then he brought up the fact that his battery was bad, too. I had completely forgotten about that.

Unfortunately for Nate, I had to take a couple deliveries. The first one, maybe about eight thirty, was off of Strawberry Lake road. So while he was gone on that one, I had just finished cleaning up the front when another phone rang. So then I had another delivery and a carry-out order. I made up those two orders, finishing off when Nate walked back in the door. I immediately said "I'm sorry," and he asked me a question and we had a question stand-off for a bit as we tried to figure out what we had just said to each other. It took us a couple minutes to sort things out. I had cleaned up the front again, and Nate was out the door again, when Cody ordered. So I made his pizza and cleaned the front again. Completely, mind you. He walked in, gave me a little tip, and was straight out the door. I think I had one or two more orders after his, in which I had to clean up the front completely all over again, before we were closed.

And, at ten, a customer had ordered food with ten minutes to go. She came in five minutes later, and left for ten minutes again. So I had shut off the sign while she was gone, but couldn't clean carry-out or lock the door. Once she had her food, I locked the door of course. And I settled the batch, completely forgetting to count Nate's money beforehand. I was so lucky that he didn't have and credit card tips.

Ohmydear, I just realized that I forgot to mention that Scott and I were having a very interesting conversation today while it was just me, him, and Ralph. The first pizza I had made for the day just came out of the oven and he was the one to get to it. He was so impressed with it, it was ridiculous. Usually all he has for anyone is criticism. He was going on about how the pizza had a crust and didn't have any bubbles and it was cheesed very nicely and he just went on. Then he said that he liked me. I could make a pretty good pizza. I was strange, but he kind of liked me. I didn't know what to say.

Then we had an argument about brown versus white rabbits and how Puddin couldn't be a brown and white rabbit. I showed him a picture to support my argument and he just called her ugly. He also asked me if I could neuter his dog....

Y'know, Nate showed a rabbit to me today. He kept coming in while it was just me and him with a cigarette in his mouth. The first time he did it  he walked in and smoked for a couple minutes before he turned to me, pointed to the cigarette, smiled, and asked if it was okay that he was doing that. He should know by now that I can't actually yell at him. I can't. I could yell at him for so many things he does, but I don't. I just let it slide. So, the second time he did that, he was watching a rabbit across the street and told me to come look. While I was walking away, doing something for an order, he said that we should go and try catch it. I laughed so hard. Told him good luck with that.

Owen was talking about how he's trying to quit smoking today. He was mostly telling me and Nate. Nate asked Owen if he had a cigarette, and Owen just laughed at him, which sparked the conversation. I told Owen good luck. Totally forget what tone Nate threw at him. Owen went on and on about how no one had ever said good luck to him about this before and how much he appreciated me saying it. I was kind of taken aback. But really, I do wish him good luck.

I bought Skittles from our little candy machine up front while I was sweeping. I brought them back after I was done and set them on the cut table, along with my keys and knife, and just ate a Skittle every time I walked by. Nate came in, and a couple minutes later, he saw me eat one. "Are those Skittles?" "Yeah...." He stole one of my Skittles. He wasn't being sneaky about it, but just picked it up and stuck it in his mouth. I gave him crap for it, though totally out of good nature. He took it well, which is unusual. I don't know why he takes me so literally most of the time. Halfway through counting my money, I came out of the office, and I saw him up front getting his own Skittles. Once I was finished with my money, I grabbed the check list and snatched up one of his. He yelled at me, though mostly for ruining the smiley face he made out of Skittles. I looked down at just laughed. Not only were they arranged in a smiley face, but it was color-coded smiley face as well. I think this guy is obsessed with smiles. I know he likes smiling, but he's very passionate about his smiley faces.

He was playing music throughout the night, while he was in the shop. The first song he put on, I first asked if  it was music. He kind of just looked at me like I was insane. When the song really started playing, I listened to it for a moment and said, "I thought you didn't like this kind of music." Turns out, he does. He then went on to say he didn't really like screamo, but that's all he was playing tonight. It was weird. He always plays chill rap. At one point, he was air guitar-ing along to a Periphery song and I asked if he played guitar. He does. Damn it, Nate. Stop ... doing this. He can drum and he drums on his thighs all of the time. I just stop and watch his hands every time he does it. And now I learn he can play the guitar, and if he's anything like he says, very well.

I hate him. But I think that's just because I know I can't have him.

Despite Nate thinking that he was going to get out of there early, we were there until twenty to eleven. And I was waiting on him by the end of the night. We kind of said our goodbyes, and then when I climbed in my car and turned it on, celebrating the fact that it turned over, he walked to his driver-side and said something to me. He asked me if I was working tomorrow, and when I replied affirmative, he said he'd see me tomorrow.

Why the hell does he confuse me so? A week ago I was convinced I annoyed him.

I backed up, and before I could drive forward, Nate backed up in my way. I called him a bitch earlier in the store, which he actually heard despite my lower voice (I was in the office, though, and called him a bitch because I learned he took a red Skittle of all Skittles to steal from me, so I couldn't actually see his reaction), and I called him a bitch again. With too huge of a grin on my face. So I followed him. Until Second, but still. Dunno why he was heading toward Dexter instead of the other way down Mast, though. He wasn't going home. That's all I know. I drove by Tiller's house, saw his monster ass truck, and bought my Skittles and some Izzes. And then just drove around for over an hour.

Now I really need to go the fuck to bed. Feed Puddin for the first time in this awake period and go to bed.

I wanted to go to bed at one.... What the fuck?

SONG OF THE DAY: Buried Beneath ~ Red