Up and Down

I'm a little behind on posting journals that I already have written out. It's not because I couldn't find the time this weekend to do it, but because I have serious issues reading my script code. I can write it quickly enough, but I have a hell of a time translating the letters. It really doesn't help that I often spell words incorrectly. I've found that, since I have a harder time reading my symbols, I have a great knack to skip over letters I would otherwise remember. I'll have to improve on reading that, because I don't altogether like the idea of carrying around everything on a piece of paper with an alphabet everyone knows. Although I think that the subjects that aren't as touchy could be written normally.

Not that any of that really matters in the long run. I mean, I'll be typing it in normal letters on the public Internet. It's just most people don't know that corner of mine and some nosy friends of mine won't read it if it's not in front of their faces. Some people ... maybe I should not finish that?

One possible rant diverted, another to come.

Dexter played Skyline yesterday. We stayed after school for an hour, goofing around. Kayla had all of us write Cansfield on our inner left forearm. I wrote on Sarah. ^^ But, uh, when Megan saw, I swear she nearly broke down in happy tears.

Once we got to the field, JV played first. I wasn't much able to pay attention, first because Caitlin was making a fool of herself by singing and dancing quite loudly to her music. Emily was so amused; she caught Caitlin on video. The mood was catchy, though. The sound system was pumping out some dance-able music, so I danced. Other people danced. But mostly Caitlin. For the rest of the time, however, Coach made us study the Skyline JV team because their Varsity team played much the same, and we warmed up for our game.

Funny that as soon as our game started, under the lights, that it got suddenly very cold. And it didn't help that I was standing stationary.

On the sideline.

The whole frickin' game.

Out of me, Kayla, and Katie, Katie was out on the field the most. I think Kayla was in for only a few minutes. Out of us three, she is the strongest defender. And I was told that (no offense to Katie--though honestly don't give a shit anymore) I am a much stronger player than Katie. I didn't want to say it myself. But I know that I want to play. Katie complains up a storm when she doesn't get what she wants and she said so herself that she didn't want to play the game so much as hang out. She doesn't listen to anyone on the field, she isn't a team player, and she's always throwing herself in a position so that she's one jab and done. At least I frickin' try! I try my damnest to learn to be a stronger player for my team. I rely on Emily's, Caitlin's, and Sarah's helpful shouts.

That fact alone, that Katie was in nearly the whole game while Kayla and I were on the sideline, pisses me off. Of course, the fact that we lost doesn't help much, either. The fact that we lost at the last second due to a CORNER makes it even worse. And you know what? Caitlin was saying that it was partially Katie's fault that we got screwed at the end. A lot of it was because the idiotic refs were rigged against Dexter as well. Seriously. The called corners on us at the end for no reason at all and didn't give us a turnover on obvious obstructions by Skyline. The ref huddled with Skyline at the timeout. They've done this to us before at Pioneer.

And I didn't get to play. I was freezing my ass off, not bundling up, in hopes that I would be called on the field, and Coach didn't let me in. I felt almost like crying due to that.

I hope Prielipp doesn't blame herself, though. It wasn't her fault that the ball got past her in the last second. She did well. But, knowing her, she'll be all down about it and think it was her error and hers alone.

... I want to play....

That game, in and of itself, was enough to dampen all my happy happy joy joy moods left over from the weekend and for the upcoming week. And I don't know if I'll have the time to go on that date with Sarah this week because on Thursday I have to watch my brothers. Because Dad won't. Maybe I'll just have to make it happen? I dunno.

I could, at least, sit next to her on the bus today and try to get a conversation out of her. I just ... I feel bad for her. And I still do like her. Quite a lot. Hopefully talking with her will make us both feel better. I must get over my stupid social awkward/shy -ness.

For the sake of my senior year!


And this is why I don't write journals throughout the day. My mood changes. Lunch often time changes it for the better. This time it was Bethany. Alyssa huffed and put her head down. Bethany said her plane crashed. And I passed Sarah, Cara, and Kyra in the hall after lunch and they were all talking together. Don't ask me why that made my day better. I guess it makes me more comfortable....

*shrugs*

I think that I have one more think I'd like to mention. For the sake of remembering my oft times scattered thought process. Sometimes I wonder how I come to a decision.

Anyway, I was talking to Nicole, and since we don't often get together, we were thinking (hoping) that we could go to each other's houses for our birthdays. Meet each other's friends. So I got to thinking ... what do I want to do for my birthday? I have to plan around field hockey, though. The weekend before might be my best bet since ... oh, I forget. I'll have to figure it out, though. And soon. Not to mention that I gotta know of what I want to do. And then whom I am inviting.

Oh dear.

Hopefully everything I need planned out will be by the end of this week. Otherwise nothing's ever gonna happen.

And this journal is aptly named. Just a little backwards. Or maybe not, depending on how one looks at it.

SONG OF THE DAY: No Rain ~ Blind Melon