Tumbling After

Remember that journal I wrote--titled "silly Metaphor Time"? I think I'm finally understanding myself because that prediction of mine came true. I climb up the hill--all happy--now I fall down the hill. I woke up in a pissy mood, and I don't think it's all carry-over mood from Sunday.

Friday started out alright.

No, wait, I'll start with Thursday because I can't explain Friday without that night.

I was chatting with Nicole over Yahoo (I use Pidgin, but whatevs), and she still thinks that she can come down a weekend for my birthday party. I know that I shouldn't get my hopes up, since the whole thing is going to fall through anyway, but I can't help myself. I miss her. We only got to see each other once this summer, and that wasn't even for very long.

But we got to talking about who we like, too. It's hilarious how much differently we think now than a couple years back. I mentioned how I'm going to invite Sarah, but asked if it would be too much to ask her out again at the same time. And then it degenerated to the fact that I should call her and actually asked these things. I freaked out.

I did, however, call Sarah a little later. I figured out what I wanted to say and everything, compensated for possible answers, and picked up the phone. I called her twice. I didn't get an answer. It was rather disappointing.

I wonder now if her number changed since last year. Maybe if I kick up the nerve, I can ask her.

So before I went to bed, I promised myself that I would talk to her after the game and thought up a whole new conversation starter.

Friday started out alright. I had a goal, I had the last regular season game for field hockey, and I was adamant in staying happy.


I'm doing a short Zodiac Tribes comic in Illustration, and for some reason, everyone always finds my drawings amazing. At least I don't try and show off my work to others. No, other people do that for me.

So when Jessica exclaimed that Sarah was in the art room (Caitlin appeared more excited than me, but mostly because I thought Jess was joking), it wasn't me that showed off my comic, but Caitlin. I did get to see Sarah's ceramic field hockey stick, though. She was talking about that at practice one day. I kink of looked around for it one day, but didn't find it on my own.

The game against Regina was cold. The sun was hidden, the wind was blowing, and the clouds threatened rain. I had my long sleeve underarmour shirt on, but I was still cold. I couldn't feel my fingers.

And YooJin came to the game. Apparently she thought that she would get back together with Sarah. Her being there destroyed my prepared conversation starter. Plus, it was just weird.

At halftime we did our Senior Day ceremony thing. I learned that Kayla is going to college for microbiology so that she can be a forensic scientist. More of an archaeologist, though, when she described it to me later. After halftime, I learned what our new tradition is. For the first few minutes of the second half, only seniors will be playing on the field. It was not easy. It was so relieving when I saw Flocka streaking up the sideline with the ball.

I played for most of that game. But for the second half, I was playing d-mid. I didn't know what I was doing.... Well, sort of, but not really. I just felt so out of position. It did feel like I benefited the team a little more, though. Regina almost got a point on us because of me, but the ref called a corner before the actual goal. Even though I severely failed the defense before the corner, I did get back and take the ball out of the circle to end the game.

I was so discombobulated at the end of the game, though. I was freezing cold--and not the only one--and for some reason I couldn't think straight. Thankfully GIllis was there to help me along.

It took me a while to gather my things, too. I had the feeling that I was forgetting something, and it kept turning out that I was. It gave me a good excuse to keep from leaving so that I could talk to Sarah, but I never got the chance. Of course, I was a little too passive, and I suppose that's my biggest problem. I should have just approached her.

Damn it. That's what I'm going to do.

Maybe.

So I started to leave, very slowly, and Sarah soon followed, but she was talking with Caitlin. And ... it was Caitlin ... so I left it alone. And YooJin was waiting off the field for Sarah, so that didn't very much work out, either.

I don't even remember ... oh, never mind.

I drove Joe and Ben home because Mom and Dad had to work the gate for the JV game. Joe surfed YouTube for a while, and I hung around for a while, Marvin in hand. The little dude is soft....

Afterwards I don't remember. I think--oh yeah, I know--that I found Paranormal Activity 2 online and watched that. Either it was because I was alone in the dark or it was actually better, but it was much better than the first one. It made me a little jumpy, actually.

Saturday was a little slow. The power went out a couple times, and stayed off the second time for a while. I went to Country Market for milk and pop for the field hockey sleepover during the blackout, hoping it would be back on when I came back, but it didn't. It came back on later, though.

I also got a chapter of Lila finished. It would be nice if I could finish this story before November, but I doubt that. I have a lot to explain yet. Most of it relates to Lila herself. Hopefully I can write a little more once field hockey is over, too. And then comes NaNoWriMo....

Todd and his new boyfriend came over Saturday, too. I stuck around for a while, listening more than anything, but then drove off to the field hockey sleepover. I got kinda lost while trying to find Flocka's house, and eventually Cansfield helped out. I found it!

We bobbed for apples while there--which is a lot more humorous than one would think--and made them unhealthy by smothering them with sugar. We played some games. We watched Megamind. We stayed up talking forever. I just wanted to sleep.

My teammates talked about Sarah a lot, but she never showed up.

We woke up early on Sunday, which did not amuse me. I stuck around for a while, but I eventually took Jessica home, and then went home and slept myself. I gained four hours of sleep. Er ... three.

Even though I got some sleep, Sunday was still not a good day.

I tried uploading some music onto Mom's MP3 player so that I have something to listen to in the morning, but it won't update after I put even a fraction of my music on it. I tried about four or five times with different songs, and it wouldn't update each time. I gave up on that.

I tried inking my latest comic page. First I discovered that my ink is too old to work properly, so I put my pen and ink aside. I tried using my PITT inking pens, but both the small and medium pens are dried out. I tried using a simple Pilot pen, and that didn't work properly. Eventually I ended up using an ultra fine Sharpie marker.

Then, after finally inking the page, the scanner wouldn't even work. It wouldn't turn on.

Plus, over the weekend, I learned that Sarah's interested in this other bi-curious girl. I don't ... I don't even ...

So people ask me how my weekend was. I've had better.

That night I was talking to myself about ... stuff, and I was on the topic of Physics. I hate that class. I try to learn the material, but I don't even know what we're learning in that class. It's so confusing, it's killing my GPA, I don't even care, I don't need the damn class, and it makes me not enjoy school at all.

I don't want to go to school already. I'm sick of it. I hate Physics.

I'm just done. I think I'm going to drop out of that class, and I don't even care what anyone says. I ... can't do it.