Originally from dA

I generally am an ambiguous person by nature; when presented with a problem, I equivocate between at least two different possibilities, and I can never actually decide and finalize. That, or when it comes to the bigger decisions--at least to me--it takes me forever to actually pull together emotions, logic and whatever the hell else I need to make a decision to make the decision. When it comes to something important, with many differing paths sprouting out after I make the initial move, I do take in logic and I do think about what I would feel. I like completeness, y'know?

Well, why is this important, then? It's not like anything on dA would be über important, right? Well, no, not really. I love this site to death (not really, that'd be bad), but it's not life and death situations on here. Yes, that means t-cest, too. Yeah, I don't very much like it, but taking in the other side of the story, I can (sorta) understand what they're getting at. Still, settle down people.

Oh, yeah, look at me, bringing mediation into this as well. Hey--I was going to make this a journal on my "Another Day of My Life" Journal. Wazzup with that? ANYWAY!

When I finally decide to set my feet on a path, I feel a huge relief. And I know when I let out this cooped-up air and throw off the heavy weights from my shoulders, I have made the right decision. I dunno--it just feels right. There's never been a time that I can remember that I've felt this relief and it hasn't turned out good for me. It's not like I feel it a lot, but that's the good thing about it, I suppose.


As I've been going through high school, the pressure of finding the colleges to apply for, the jobs to look into and my general future has been increasingly suffocating. When I was little I always wanted to work on a farm, close to animals and plants and away from cities. Yeah, that's an ideal dream, but I know it's not going to happen. I'll be practical. I also wanted to do something in the art genre. Maybe I'm not too good, but I can always get better. The practical side of me always argued with that, as well. I wouldn't be able to find a job that would support me well enough to go where I want and to feed me adequately and house me comfortably. Even lately it was my idea to get into business as well so that the artistic side of me would not fail.

Both of those options never felt . . . right. I didn't get the relief I described before.

Then this weekend I finally got to visit my aunt and uncle after a lot of months of not seeing them. Somehow Dana got me on the subject of science, and I expressed how much I loved each and every one of my science classes. Because I do. My senior year I'm going to re-take Anatomy and Physiology just so that I can get a binder from it. Last time I took the class in my freshman year, I never got the binder back. And that was some really cool information. It also came up that I had an A in Chemistry the whole trimester (that still better be true, after the final), and while I didn't mention that I like Biology, I absolutely loved the genetic part of that, too. Well, that's all I really need, I think.

Science, not art, is where I feel really comfortable about. It is in that area that I feel I can find a job that I will love, but will also support me.

I don't know how it was brought up, but Forensics is where I really feel like I would love it. Crime scene investigation, solving puzzles, that's what I like. I mean, I've been absolutely hooked on Dexter, too. His area of work (not the extra-curricular serial killer "job" of his) is positively intriguing. I feel that, with the right amount of training, I can do that sort of thing myself.

Overall, it just feels right.

Just putting that out there. I don't know why I had to put it on dA so badly, but while I began writing this, I felt that I kind of needed to. So there it is. Forensics. I love the idea.