I Thought

Yesterday I left off with something much like those Have A Great Day Or Not The Choice Is Yours sort of things. Pretty sure my last line was that I was going to do a lot of thinking. Oh! Don't get me wrong. I sure the heck did, but most of it happened to not be anything written in my last journal. What else more can I have in my head? Not too much . . .

Got dressed for field hockey as usual in the bathroom--oh wait! I must begin straight after my last journal.

I forget exactly how, but Alyssa got the pages of my last journal in her hand while I was just finishing it off. She said that she didn't want to read into my private world, but eventually I convinced her it was fine--it's going online anyway. And somehow after she finished reading it, we still had time in fourth hour. Her words were words that touched me. She could related with me on the subject of Friedman and pretty much agreed with what I had to say there. Besides that, she said she'd support me with whatever I choose. So why was it that I didn't want to go to her first? Because describing it in words was too . . . weird, for lack of better words.

Then after that touching moment it was off to art, where Autumn and Olivia were hitting a ball back and forth before the bell rang. And then we just drew a hand and painted it. I finished early, so I had some slack time.

Then I dressed, got down to the field and put my shin guards on. We warmed up, ran around the field three times and the JV and Varsity split up.

Before I could get anywhere, Coach called me over and told me I'd be playing on JV for a while, at least. He said I'd kind of be like a head of defense there. *sigh* But still, I'm JV now, pretty sure. 'Cause I need play time and I'll be slaughtered by the next two teams we'll be playing. It's probably a good thing my tone of voice cannot be heard.

I can say right away, defense's team work kind of sucks on JV. They waterfall maybe too well and just . . . they don't do things. I don't know what they are yet. I'm so used to having people around me who know what they're doing quite well. This, this just sucks! JV D has never won when Varsity D would have won more than once. And I have to play a game with these people today? Okay, yes, I talk to the JV, but I don't know how they play! This is a terrible position!

To make things worse that practice, my contacts were being stupid and my right contact died on me. So I only had my left contact in all practice. Thankfully, it's my dominant eye, but I still do need my right eye for peripheral.

That just sucked the whole time. I couldn't see, I don't know how my new teammates play, they don't do half of what I'm used to (tails, for example, when defense has the ball) and Sara's not my goalie anymore. And she just started yelling at us again. u.u

After practice I didn't have a ride for half an hour so I just had to control myself. So many fricken emotions. Mostly I just wanted to cry.

When Sara left with Leah, she waved to me, though. I think I have her a half-hearted smile and a wave back. She has her car again. She looks funny driving a huge truck. And just before Daniella left she came up and asked about the German homework. At the end it was just me and Olivia left. Taylor, not Shay. I love her and Blaire. Good people.

I couldn't do anything school related when I got home. First of all, our Internet was canceled, so I typed up my last journal in Microsoft Word and saved it. So I'll have to do my Secret Buddy words of encouragement during English, since I have my laptop today and Internet should be allowed. This time is not procrastinating.

So for most of the night I stayed upstairs and watched Wipeout. Didn't watch the end because I took a shower and then went to bed. Unfortunately, I really did start crying, which eventually brought Mom in, trying to get to me.

Yesterday sucked. And I don't see things getting better any time soon.

So I guess I'll talk about today thus far. not that it's very far into today yet.

I don't think I did well on my Chemistry quiz. Whoo. Chem.

I didn't do great on my Calc test. Four stupid points taken off because of idiotic mistakes. 87%. This is f-ing review crap! I should have gotten an A!

My next class has changed from A lunch to B lunch, too. We think it's just because Zack made Frau Schmid angry. So now Alyssa and Henry are not in my lunch and Friedman is. Kyra's still in my lunch 'cause she's in my class. Still, unfair trade. This better not stay the same for the rest of the tri.

And . . . apparently it does.

So! Because I had lunch with Friedman, I finally (awkwardly) told him what I planned on saying and it didn't really work out how I wanted it to. We're still on friendly terms, but he wants to talk about it. But . . . I broke it off! I'd give him my last journal, but I'd rather not just hand him over what I wrote about Sara. I don't want to talk about it. Bleh.

I'll just consider myself single now. I can do whatever I want. Not that I'll really do anything. Remember, I'm pretty much socially shy. Not normally around good friends. Understandable, ja? Besides, I don't know what I want. And . . . I don't know almost anything of what Sara is thinking.

I don't know who did say it, but a while ago I was talking about how Sara became so quiet--she bounced back again, not that it much matters to me anymore--and someone commented that she was an angry lesbian. Then I scoffed at them, because I don't like how people misuse words like that, but now I almost kind of hope. Yes, I'm stupid.

Now I totally have no idea about what I was talking about beforehand. Oh, I ended at lunch.

I've finally decided that German sucks because Frau Schmid doesn't really teach German, I think she just talks in it in hopes that we'll pick up the words. Um . . . no. She's energetic and stuff, but I'm not learning anything.

And now I end this journal because it's a new day . . .