CRY!

Well, I actually did go to Hell Creek Ranch, and it was okay. I mean, I got to hang out with the horses, mostly stick around one called--uh--Chester? He was a bit shy, but he was enough company for most of the time, 'till he left with a group of kids, of course. And Joe, being a little mama's boy, he didn't let me ride and brought mom along instead. Man, I wasn't really angry (for once) but I sure the heck was sad. What's up with all the inside crying lately? I'm thoroughly NOT enjoying it! So I waited with Bug and my dad until them two go back. As soon as they did, I got ushered away to home. We got home at around six thirty, ate and then I tried starting my homework. I didn't get far, though. Maybe only three good sentences. Whoo! *shakes head* Then I ate dinner, which was pretty good. Ham steaks and pierogies. And beans, of course. Then I got downstairs, showed Joe my new blog and then he begged me to play catch with him. And seriously, since it's not history, I quickly grabbed my glove and played with him. He definately was screwing around (and I was pulling a bunch of tricks named after people in my gym class, based on how they behave, really) and it was great until I left to do homework again at eight. I started again, but mom called me upstairs to watch Ben. When I got up there, she asked me to give him a bath. That's when my pent up anger and sorrow caught up with me and... I sort of didn't help, although she said I did. Oh flippin' well. I would have came back downstairs to work on my homework again, but I remembered So You Think You Can Dance was on, so I flipped that on and watched that 'till about quarter to ten. Then I decided downstairs it was, and I really, really had to finish my powerpoint presentation at the very least. As far as I know, I think I did an okay job on it, but I'll only know that for sure with my presentation to about, oh, sixty people tomorrow during fouth hour. Man, this is going to SUCK. Yeah, so I didn't get my "research paper" done and tomorrow's just going to suck. I have to stay after school for a Student Advocates meeting, to spread awareness of the three D's (for more information, go to: http://www.freewebs.com/studnetadvocates/ ). You know, for once, I think I'm going to burst because I can't handle it. I never thought I'd really say this, but... I've... I've overdone myself. I'm really freaking out for once. I can't tell for sure, but I think I'm letting my friends down and they've definately noticed my more "sober" mood. I've got a thick layer of angry and sad right under a latex-thin smearing of giddiness and happiness. I just lost the motivation to move on. If I didn't have friends, I'd definately be skipping the last days of this week and only show up for the exams next week, if at all. I can't go on any longer. I hate Mr. Konett, as both a teacher and person, and... I don't know. I never knew how much I depended on my friends to be there, before. I thank you all for your support--especially Amzy, Alyssa and Kyra. Thank-you all for being there for me. You're the only people keeping my in a somewhat sane lump.