Bad Track Record

Nothing ... really happened on Wednesday. It was a slower day at work - thank the Air - and we were able to do a fair amount of screwing around.

At one point, I was grabbing dough or something from the walk-in, and I saw Matt was working on cleaning the back. Normal late driver stuff. I know Matt was my late driver and everything, but it still was so freaking weird seeing him do that stuff. He slices on Fridays, but other than that, he's either missing from the shop or he's my closing driver. I told him how weird it was seeing him working on that, and it took him a moment to realize that it was Wednesday. I don't normally work Wednesdays. Like, ever.

I also made him go out and buy me an Arnold Palmer, since I was running late. I was working on answering all these questions and Anon sent me on Tumblr, and I took too long in getting out to my rabbits to take care of them. Ended up leaving the house a couple minutes later than I'd ever do. I also ended up passing someone on Island Lake because they weren't going the speed limit and that seriously pisses me off, and because they were right behind me due to a red light, I didn't swing in to the gas station to pick up my Peace Tea like I usually do. I was late anyway. Matt ended up buying a drink for nearly everyone in the store - I think only Sarah lacked one - and I forgot to pay him back his dollar. I'll do it today. Why not?

Bernie covered for Von that day, and my initial plan was for him to be on cut table and do bread sticks. Except, since he was covering for someone, he had the choice of whether or not he could be out first, and he wanted out early. Since bread sticks usually take a while, I gave the job to Sarah. I really should not have. Especially since last night I learned she had to do twenty-six trays of bread sticks. I think that's a store record. I'm pretty sure I've done no more than twenty-two trays. And I'm faster than her. Or, at least, was faster than her. I kind of miss bread sticks as a prep every now and again.

Later, I suddenly ran away from the gathered crew and ducked under the cut table into what we call the bat cave, and hid behind a bunch of the boxes. It was a tight fit, but I fit anyway. And I managed to stay under there for a long time. Everyone knew I was there except Nate, and I really wanted to wait until he got back from his delivery before I randomly busted out. I was a minute early because I got too uncomfortable.

I really, really didn't want Abbi to leave that night. I mean, she did leave late, but I don't like saying goodbye to her anymore. I'm not usually the clingy type - and while I feel like I don't really act on this as much as some people, I know that it doesn't stop me from thinking clingy things. I'm usually not a cuddly touchy person, either, but with Abbi ... I am. Abbi's a whole new entity for me and it feels good.

I mean, I have a pretty bad track record.

I went out with Friedboy. Twice. Was too afraid to break up with him for some reason, but both times I went out with him, I felt wholly uncomfortable. We were never really friends, and the second time we dated he kind of forced it upon me. We were on the river and I totally mistook his question for something else, and suddenly he was kissing me. I didn't have the gall to do anything about it. For a long time.

Then it was Henry in between those times. Nothing really happened with us, and I hardly think one could say that we dated. I'm pretty sure we went out to the movies once and he kissed me on the cheek. Oh, and we cuddled. Once.

Junior year I asked Dishman out, and oh boy was that a mistake. I still have no idea why I was infatuated with him. I can't stand the guy anymore. We only lasted from prom to summer, thank the Air. It took me a lot of courage to break up with him as well, for some reason. And then I broke up with him over text. Thing with Dishman is that we didn't connect. Like, at all. He was clingy, touchy, and I wanted almost no part of it. Plus, he's a really bad kisser. Though so is Friedboy. Good fucking golly.

I don't think I had anyone my senior year. Sprinkled throughout the actual boyfriends, Jessica and I had that thing go on for a bit though it never ... went anywhere. We cuddled, like, one night and then neither of us would take the initiative to do anything. I had the major crush on Tyler my freshman year and that was awful. Taylor had a crush on me her senior year, and we went out once but I told her I didn't feel anything. I had a weird crush on Prielipp and actually asked her out once during one of the field hockey seasons, but that went nowhere because I was too much of a wimp. Then I had the big crush on Tiller until he quit at work.

Then Wes. Not boss Wes. Wes Wes. The guy I thought I could get along with, but he turned out to somehow be boring to me. We shared so many interests, I didn't know how it was possible. And then the night he told me he loved me and I just flipped out.

I'll be glad if I never see any of these guys again. Except Tiller. I don't know what to say around him anymore, but he's still a good guy. And then there was that long ass crush on Nate, who ignored me for a week after I told him I liked him. Though Galya led me on more than he ever did. Which I don't even know how that happens, to be honest.

I had to close with Nate three nights this week. He didn't talk any of those nights. It was kind of painful.

But now ... now I have Abbi. And oh my fucking dear. We were best friends, which helps with my inability to emotionally connect with anyone, and now we're girlfriends. She's my girlfriend. And honestly, I couldn't be happier. She makes me so fucking happy. I feel like, for once in my entire history of "more than friends," Abbi's the only one I can spend forever with and still want more time with her. I dunno. This ... this is new for me. I like this new.

When I got home Wednesday night, I started role playing with the Mr. Sinister that found me on Tumblr. I had set up the account for my Gambit the night before, and I started role playing for the first time in a long time. It's kind of weird writing a somewhat submissive Gambit. A needy Gambit. Nothing sexual - hell fucking no - not with Sinister, but the situation that the person who plays Sinister put me in, I didn't know what else to do. I made Remy beg for a place in Sinister's ranks, which is completely and totally out of character for Remy. He'd rather have nothing to do with Sinister. Especially after Sinister manipulated Remy to open the doors for the Morlock Massacre. Funny though. I think it's the first time I role played Remy and anything sexual hasn't been on his mind. Or my mind when I wrote the stuff I did. He's a sexual creature, okay?

When I woke up on Thursday, I still hadn't started my homework for my government class. Hell, I still haven't done anything for it yet. I surfed on Tumblr and other places online for a while, took care of my rabbits, and headed over to Alyssa's for a geek day. Alyssa, obviously, was already there, but so was Katie. It's been so long since I've seen Katie. Alyssa's family, Stephanie, and Abbi showed up soon after, and then we were waiting on Bethany. I could have cared less if she didn't show up. I would have been glad if we started the show without her. I was not looking forward to the night around her. The way she's been treating Abbi? Well, I'm on that boat by default now.

She doesn't respect our choices, and she makes sure to show it to us. She told us right off the bat that PDA is not okay. And, a few episodes in a few hours later, Abbi and I were somewhat cuddled up throughout the night, and we were holding hands most of the time. Apparently Bethany kept shooting us glares, but I was too busy reading the subtitles over people talking to really care whether or not she disapproved of us. When the show was starting to wind down for her since she had to leave soon, she whirled around, hissed something at me, and continued to be the blobbering freak she was acting like all night. I had no idea what she had said. Somehow, somewhen, she texted me what she had said and I nearly lost it right then and there.

At one point, I pulled a blanket over my head just because, and Abbi pulled it off of me and it ended up on our laps. Covering up our hand-holding. Bethany took it as us covering it up on purpose. Despite the fact that we'd been holding hands and laying our heads on each other all night. In that text, not only did she repeat that PDA was not okay, but she also called me a liar. I strive to not be a liar. It's a huge pet peeve of mine. I threw my phone down against the floor, and I had to hold myself back from yelling at her. I had to hold myself back from getting up and taking a stroll around the block. I wasn't happy.

Took me a long time to get over it that night, too. She eventually did leave, and when she was hugging everyone, Abbi and I didn't even move from our spots on the couch. I couldn't cool down. Even after Abbi had to leave. A couple hours later, I eventually did text Bethany despite me not being completely over it, and while it took a while and a low shot on my part, we eventually did come to a shaky understanding. I don't completely believe her, and it doesn't cover the way she's been treating us, but it's a peace treaty for now. I lamented to Alyssa, Meg, Stephanie, and Katie how I wasn't getting along with Bethany, that she had pissed me off, and I really wished to not see her again for a while. Though I wouldn't give them details. Poor Alyssa is torn between friends. I do wonder if she knows the whole story, because she did bring up how Bethany was trying to help Abbi and she "took a completely different path." Then she mentioned church and I don't think she knows the whole story. I don't know. No, Abbi and I are together now and Bethany disapproves.

When it was Abbi's turn to leave, Katie offered to be her escort out the door, but Abbi smoothly shot her down without hurting feelings. I told people I had to grab my pillow and pants from my car and followed Abbi out. It was just the two of us. We stood by her car for a while, letting off some of the steam we couldn't inside, hugged, and Abbi kissed me on the cheek. My heart was thudding just because it's stupid like that, and after a brief distraction from the lightening off in the distance, I pulled her into a kiss. A clumsy kiss. A quick kiss. But I kissed my Abbi. Ohmydear. I didn't want her to leave, man. But she had school the following day. Even though we didn't think the high school had power.

It took me a long time to cool off after the whole ordeal between Abbi, me, and Bethany, though texting both of them did help. Sort of. Near the end of our conversations I tossed my phone across the room to better concentrate on Dollhouse, the series of choice for the night, but retrieved it right after the episode ended. I don't think I replied to either of them. I didn't want to deal with it anymore.

And, even though I didn't reply back to my Abbi, I kept checking my phone periodically for a text. She's the only one I ever text. I don't know why I expected anything to show up.

Alyssa and I did make it all the way through the first season of Dollhouse. We had to stay up to nearly six am to do so, and I was kind of confused near the end. Hopefully due to tired. But it's a good damn show. We've already made plans to finish season two next week. Details are still a mite bit sketchy, but we've got plans. 'Cuz between the two of us, we can't get together from the time Abbi and I leave till the time I get back from my family vacation nearly a month later.

I almost wanted to stay up until twenty to seven to text a good morning text to Abbi, but I feel asleep way quicker than I thought I would. I was curled up in a ball to fit under a blanket, I thought I wouldn't be able to fall asleep, and next thing I knew I was almost sprawled across the spot I had settled down in, sweaty from sleep. It was the weirdest fucking thing.

Though I only got two hours of sleep.

And then ... I lounged around their living room for a couple hours, texted Abbi, and now I'm here at home writing this with Daysie sniffing around Jules's cage again for some reason. Gonna finish my homework and clean my bathroom. That's my goal for the day. Y'know, before I go off to work tonight. With my Abbi. :)

SONG OF THE DAY: Thrift Shop ~ Macklemore