When I went to the DIA with Eric, he and Dana asked me what I think would happen if I die. At first, I didn't really know, but as they pressed on, I got a pretty good idea what I thought would happen if we die. My first answer was that we get snuffed out like a candle. We don't have a spirit to carry on, and we don't get reincarnated. We especially don't get stuck on earth to roam it as ghosts. But they kept prodding me, and I eventually came to the conclusion that we don't really get snuffed out like candles. Well, we do, but our memory lives on. Inside other people's memories, and stuffs such as our words written on paper, or our voice on the Internet. We have no souls to take a place anywhere in the world, but the memory of when we were alive lives on.
A lot of people think that we do have souls. When we die, if we were good, those souls pass on to heaven. If we were sinners, our souls go down to burn in the depths of hell. Ooh, that sounds like a cool short story. Anyway, some other people think that we get reincarnated into other beings, whether it be human, plant or animal, it does not matter. My friend, Zoe and I were talking about what we would have been reincarnated as. Zoe thinks she was a peach, I think. Still, other people (I got this from Cirque Du Freak) think that our souls don't pass on to heaven, but paradise. Vampire souls go there. So, see Edward, when you die, your soul part of you lives on. You do have a soul. Twilight tangent, even though I don't really like the books. I must say, though, the books have steadily gotten better. Some people even think that our souls get trapped on earth if we have unfinished business. I don't even think we have souls.
In order to keep your memory strong, make sure you leave your artistic mark on the earth. The more stories you write, the more sketches you draw and paintings you paint, the larger mark you have made in your short life. Keep your voice alive even when you are dead.
Carrying on.
My grandpa Gordon died when I was young. I think Joe was only a year when he passed away. A terrible disease called cancer took him away from his family. For a while, in Bad Axe, we decorated bags, and sent them to a cancer walk. Paper bags lined sidewalks, symbolizing all the people who fell victim to the cancer. It's very emotional, indeed.
When everyone said that my rabbit most likely had cancer, it hit an emotional tender spot. On my window sill, I even have a bear that supports the cure to cancer. If Tex really did have cancer, and he was at such a late stage, there really was nothing to do. Well, we wouldn't take him to the vet, either. We don't have money to throw away on our pets. Yes, we love them, but we can't spend our life money on them.
So, yesterday, we helped Tex along. My dad constructed a "gas chamber" of a sorts. He hooked a hose up to the exhaust pipe of the old Ranger, put the other end in a bucket. The bucket was covered with both plexi glass and fabric. And then we suffocated the rabbit. He went down easily. It was just his breathing that we had to conquer. I'd like to say he died a relatively painless death, but I can't be so sure. Who knows? All death could be painful. What does a flame feel like? And so I buried him in the grave that I dug for him, and I covered him up with a blanket of dirt. I hurried inside and wrote on my dry erase board:
In honor of Tex, who has touched the lives of many
? - 12 July 2009
You will forever live on in my heart
If I ever could create an epitaph for my rabbit, that's exactly what it would say. The only problem I have is that I have no way of engraving the letters into stone, and then my dad would always pick up the stone and toss it away when he was mowing. I made sure the grave was in a place my dad didn't mow, but his headstone would be.
I think I've got to go cry now. I almost cried a few times yesterday, but didn't allow myself to do so. Today won't be any different. I thank you, Alyssa, for giving me the strength to carry on in my times of anger, sadness and . . . yeah, well, you get the point.
I am forever against Cancer.
SONG OF THE DAY: In the Arms of an Angel ~ Sarah Mclachlan
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